Present From A Student

Here's a picture of a candle that I received as a present from one of my students.  Little did she know that it holds so much meaning and gives me hope when I look at it!  :)  Maybe tomorrow will be "our day."

I Promised

I promised a real update, so here goes.

We're waiting.  We haven't heard anything.

That's my update!  :)  Exciting, huh?  

We're just stuck in the waiting game right now.

We haven't heard anything from the agency.  I do have more profiles to drop off sometime this week, so I'm hoping to talk with them and see if there are any updates.  While I am very thankful that we went with this agency, due to the fact that it's a Christian agency and with Dave being a minister, they let us list for free, I just hate the fact that we don't know anything or get updates.  I've heard that this is how it goes with most agencies, but it's hard not knowing if anything is happening.

I did talk with the people at Florida Baptist Children's Home.  In order to adopt through them, we would have to go through their home study process and take 30 hours of classes through them.  While I have no desire to go through all of that again, their cost is about half of what we are expecting through the other sources.  We would not be able to start any of that until April, due to the one of the ladies being on maternity leave.  This gives us some time to think about it and figure out if we want to go that avenue or not.  She said the wait time, once the home study and classes are finished, in normally three months, although this is not a given.

No emails or anything from the attorney or social worker with any possible situations.  :(

I looked through some waiting children the other day.  Probably not a good idea for me to do that, because it breaks my heart to see these children waiting for families.  Most of them need families that are able to provide things we cannot provide, like a parent that stays home or a family where they will be the only child, etc.  Many of them have emotional issues or medical problems and lots of them are part of sibling groups, normally three or more.  It still breaks my heart.

We haven't won the lottery or anything to provide the money to adopt, but we will find a way.  While in Virginia, we had some family members encourage us and let us know that they are so happy for us.  It's just a reminder that this is the path that we are meant to be on, even though it's not easy or pleasant.  Dave and I have been talking about different things that we can do to make it happen.

Here are some questions for you!  I'd love some input!
We've talked about doing some fundraising, setting up an tax-deductible account, t-shirts, etc.
Is it bad if we do this?
Does it make us into a charity case?
Is it worth the effort?
Do you have any ideas for us?

Email updates, Promise, and Pics

Email updates:

I've made a contact list in my email for those of you who read my blog and would like to be notified by an email when there is a new blog post.  If you would like to be added to this list, either contact me by emailing me at jennifervbk@yahoo.com or by leaving a comment with your email address.  I'm more than happy to add you to the list.

Promise:
I have lots to blog about and get your opinion on, but it will have to wait till tomorrow.  So, my promise to you is that I plan on blogging about that tomorrow.

Pics:

My side of the family

Dave's side of the family

i Heart Faces: Hilarious Outtakes

I Heart Faces : Hilarious Outtakes

Over at I Heart Faces, they are having their weekly photography contest.  Here are my 5 entries for this week:

1.  This is my lovely sister, Lisa, making a random fish face while at Rainforest Cafe.

2.  My authentic friend, Trish, wondering why I am taking a picture of her!  :)  She should know better.

3.  Some of our teens at church, Hannah and Rachael, playing a game at camp.  Two body parts are called out and they have to find each other in a crowd and put those parts together.  It appears that this round was elbow to eyeball!

4.  During our New Year's Eve bash with the teens, we played Survivor.  In this challenge, the teens had to hold the water balloons with their arms extended for a long as possible.  Perry was dying at this point, but was determined NOT to lose!

5.  And my favorite:  Baby Seth, totally not happy, and looking like an old man!!!!!  Poor thing!

Discouragement and encouragement

So, we got some discouraging news. 

While in Hampton, we decided to stop by the credit union that we belong to and talk to them about a loan.  We don't want to wait until we are matched to come up with the money.  We'd rather be prepared.  So, we got some bad news.  Because of the fact that we don't have anything that they can hold against us or anything to borrow against, they won't give us the loan.  We have good credit and they weren't concerned about us making payments.  We do own a house, but because we bought at the peak of the housing market and since then, the value of our house has gone down, that it out of the question.  We do have two vehicles, but neither one is worthy of helping us out with a loan. 

I cannot lie.  I was VERY discouraged.  VERY.  To the point of being in tears for over an hour.  It felt like another door was closing and the hope that I had felt just a few days earlier was slipping through my fingers.  I started seeing us as that couple that watches everyone else have a family.  That couple that is lonely and spends more Christmas vacations just as a family of 2.  It was a very, very dark place to be. 

Then, I'm encouraged by the amount of support and love we have felt from family about our decision to adopt, especially the encouragement we have gotten while around family this Christmas.   I have to remind myself that we will find a way, that maybe God has to help us realize that we can't do this by ourselves, that the only way it will happen is with His power and will. 

It's a ....

...NO!
Well, we waited too long.  :(  I just got an email from the attorney.  The baby has arrived and the mom has already made her decision.


Guess this was the answer that we needed.  We had been going back and forth all day and were torn.  Guess God just took care of it for us.

Please Pray!

I got up this morning and had received an email from the local Jax attorney.  The baby that we had been told about that was due in January is being born TODAY!  The mom is currently in labor and we have to decide TODAY if we want to be a possibility when she chooses an adoptive family.

So far, there are four other families that are "in the running".  If we decide that we want to be considered and are not chosen, we will be out of $100.  If we are chosen, we could possibly have a daughter by Christmas.

Here is some information I can give you:  (There are lots of things that I can't share.)

Here are the pros:  The mother is in her 30's, has given a baby up for adoption in the past, and since the baby is already being born, the mother would be choosing after the baby being born, leaving little time for her to change her mind.

Cons:  The mother was on birth control when the baby was conceived and remained on it for a while before she realized she was pregnant, we would have to get money ASAP, and I mean ASAP, if chosen, would have to leave for Florida right away (we're in VA with our families), and the baby is being born a month early, giving concerns.

I am so torn.  I feel like there are the cons there to keep me from saying yes, but wow, there are lots of pros too.

Wish decisions were easier.

Hope!

It's the most wonderful time of the year, right?  Or at least it is supposed to be.

Yes, it is a hard time of year for us.  We are still on our journey.  We don't have answers.  We don't have an end in sight.  We still wonder why we have to go through this.  We thought we'd have a little one traveling home with us to Virginia for Christmas.

Yes, it is hard, I'm not going to lie, but this year, I have hope.  I know that I don't have a "match" yet and I don't have a baby in my arms this year for Christmas, but I do have hope.

Hope that someday, hopefully before next Christmas, that we will be a family of three instead of a family of two.
Hope that this year is the last year that I have to send out a Christmas cards with only the two of us and our puppies.
Hope that instead of just seeing the baby's first Christmas ornaments in the stores, that I will actually be able to purchase one for a VBK baby.
Hope that there will be three stockings to hang instead of two (and one for the pups, of course.)
Hope that Brennen (our nephew being born in the spring) will have someone to play with and grow up with.
Hope that God will get the glory and honor from all that happens.  I can't wait to sit back years from now, or even months from now, and be able to say, "I can see how God had this planned from the very beginning."

As Melody, Dave's cousin in Michigan, wrote in her Christmas card to us this year:  May 2010 be a year to remember!   :)

(More to come later.  I have a lot to say, but I'm struggling with how open and honest I can be on the blog.  I've had this one post written in my head for almost a week now, but every time I start, I delete it for fear of what people will think. )

One way or the other!

So, we still haven't heard anything from the agency.

Dave and I kept the kids in PVB today and we had planned on dropping off our corrected profiles at the agency on the way.  I was hoping to talk with them and find out more information.  But...I got sick right before we left the house and then we ran out of time.  Maybe tomorrow.  They already have the other three, so it isn't like they don't have our info.  We just wanted to give them the corrected ones.

Tomorrow, we are going to scan one of the corrected ones and send our profile to the agency in Miami that we had spoken with over the last few weeks.  They are an agency that we got information from through our social worker that did our home study.

I also sent an email to the Florida Baptist Children's Home here in Jax.  We've spoken a few times through email and I plan on calling tomorrow and getting more information.

I did talk to an attorney here in Jacksonville today.  Through a friend, we found out about a baby due on the 29th, as in December 29th.  Basically, we don't meet the criteria of the birth parents, so we aren't going to pursue it.  They wanted a couple in their mid-thirties and a couple that doesn't live in Jacksonville.  Through this attorney, we did find out about another baby that is due in January (probably going to be a no, but not sure yet) and he said that he would put us on the email list for possible situations.

I've got a lot of deep thoughts on my mind and I'm hoping to share more tomorrow.

No News

With so many people following our journey and asking if we've heard anything, I just wanted to keep you guys updated.  So far, we haven't heard anything.  Obviously, this isn't a quick decision on the part of the birthmother(s) and we have no time frame as to when we will hear anything.  I will keep you posted, though!  ;)

Thank you so much for all of your prayers.  Some people have asked me how I'm holding up and to be truthful, I have thought about it, but with school being so busy and our trip to Virginia coming so quickly, it hasn't taken over my every thought.  Just praying that God will lead us to the perfect match.

I Heart Faces: Pet Challenge

So, I need a break from thinking about possible adoption stuff, so here's a non-adoption post (well, except for that sentence.)

This week I Heart Faces is having a photo challenge with the pet theme.  I've been looking through these entries for quite some time and I think it's finally time that I start entering.

This is Roscoe, our big dog, also known as Stinky Fart Man and yes, he does answer to that!  We love him, especially since he is our first doggie child.  When we got him as a puppy, he had this adorable pink nose. Now, he's a grown up dog with a black nose, but if you look closely, the pink is still there, just hidden.

You guys must really be.....

...Praying!

I got a call today from Jenn, the lady who works with the adoptive parents at the agency here in Jax.  She was asking if we could drop by our profiles TODAY, because they wanted to be able to show it TONIGHT! (This means that a mother is making a decision and we are one of the choices!)   Of course, I said YES!!!!!!  The only information I have is that she is in Naples, Fl.

Dave dropped them off and was told they were being shipped FedEx to a maternity home.  Since the office is closed right now and I won't know more information right now, I'm assuming that the mother must be staying at this maternity home.

Can I just say WOW?????

What's New

I've been promising updates, so here goes....Four things that are "new".

1.  Our photo profiles arrived.  Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes.  It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted.  We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in.  The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all.  :)  So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency.  That means that we will be active at the agency!  :)  Can't begin to describe how exciting it is.  Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide!  I'm praying that God will provide in 2010!  :)

2.  Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment.  I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations.  My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it.  The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try.  Now, we just have to schedule it.  I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.

It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility.  I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.  Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale,  Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption.  I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.

3.  The biggest news is probably this:  We turned down another baby.  We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July.  Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples.  After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so.  Why did we say no, you might ask?  Well, lots of reasons.  One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered.  Two, the amount of money was out of this world!  Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark.  Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away.  So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?

4.  Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money.  We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money.  Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide!  He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this.  I do know, though, that we have to do our part!  I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!  :)

Thanks for praying for us.  It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!

Picture and Excitement

Still have lots to tell, but since Dave has decided that today is the day to replace our front door, I can't stay on for long.  :)

I am super excited for this family:
http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/2009/12/getting-ready-to-go.html  
I've been following their story and they got the call that they can go pick up their daughter and have her home before Christmas!  They've had a crazy journey and it is very encouraging to hear other's stories of adoption.

I was playing around in Picnik and made our picture look a little more festive and thought I'd share.

Look at what came in the mail today......

Our Photo Profile!!!!!  :)

Profiles, Pressure, Printing, and Bad Dreams

Over this past week, Dave and I have really tried to get our photo profile together for the agency here in Jacksonville.  Basically, until they have the profile in their hands, we can't move forward with the process.  With the agency, when a birth mother is ready to select a family for her baby,  the birth mother is shown profiles of couples that meet her criteria.  We needed ours done to even have the chance to be chosen.

Can I just say that it's really hard to "sell yourself" in the profile?  Dave and I are just not the type of people to toot our own horn.  There is so much pressure on you while creating your profile.  You want it to look nice, because obviously, if it doesn't, you may never been chosen.  It needs to include information about yourselves, your life together, your jobs, pets, house, friends, recommendation letters from friends, and your dear birth mother letter (Ours is a 20 page photo profile.)   It needs to include pictures that make you look friendly and loving, but not ones that make you seem like you're overdoing it.  It's a good idea to have some pictures with children, but too many of those and you look like you're trying too hard.  Needless to say, it's not something you can just sit down and accomplish in one hour.  I think all together, I worked on ours for over 15 hours this week (hence the lack of blogging).  I've gone through picture after picture (and if you know me, we have tons of pictures), trying to find the right ones.  We've written and reworded things a million times.  I've changed picture layouts and tried to make the layout pleasing to the eye.

We finally finished last night.  I got a coupon in my email for 25% off our profile books (we needed three for the agency here in Jax) and was determined to get it done by midnight in order to use the coupon.  I think we officially ordered them around 11:20.  Close, but still with time to spare, right?  :-)  I got an email this morning saying that they have been printed and shipped and should arrive sometime before the beginning of next week.  Once we get them in the mail, we can take them to the agency and we have the opportunity to be chosen.  One step closer to our goal.  I went and got in bed last night and felt like a lot of pressure has been removed.  One more thing could be crossed off on my list.

Then...I went to sleep.  I kept having nightmares that our book was messed up, that the birth mothers hated it, or that we had to start all over again.  Needless to say, it as a night of major tossing and turning and the relief that I had felt last night was gone.  Now, panic had taken over.  I'm just having to remind myself that we did the best we could and we aren't perfect people.  If it's not 100% perfect, if there is one misspelling (even though we checked it a million times), that life will go on.  I am just having to trust God that, now that we've done our part, He can do his, more than what he's already done so far.  It's hard and I'm not going to lie and say the panic is gone, but I just can't worry about it too much.

Well, I've got more to share, but it's time for small groups with the girl teens at our church.  I know that I'm leaving you hanging, but I can't be late!!!  :)

Tons of stuff, too little time

I have quite a few things to blog about, but right now at 11:30, sleep is more important.  I'll try my hardest tomorrow.