It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Saying NO and Paper Pregnant

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February.  When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt.  Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no.  It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama.  Oh, how I just want to say yes!

In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!!  We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".

Prayers Needed

OH...I need your prayers.  I've got so much to say and post on the blog, but just now, I got an email about a possible adoption situation.  (And no, it does not involve baby A)  Can I just say WOW???????  Please pray!  Can't give any information at the moment.

Baby A has arrived

Baby A was born 10/22/09 at 2:40 a.m. and weighed in at 7 lbs 4 oz.  :-)  She's healthy, doing GREAT, and is beautiful.  While she won't be my daughter, this little girl holds a special place in my heart.

K's In Labor

Talked with K tonight and...she's officially in labor.  It won't be long before baby A is here!

I have so much to say about all of this, but due to not getting home until after 10 tonight, it's going to have to wait till later.  (Not tomorrow, since tomorrow is another super late work night.)

Before I go and get my things together for tomorrow, I thought I'd leave you all with a link to a blog that was very encouraging today.

http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-opportunity-failure-to-peace.html

The big day

If you could, please pray for K today.  We were just texting and it's the big day, her due date, and even though baby A hasn't made her arrival (or really shown any signs on coming soon), she's getting pretty nervous about it.

Lots more to write about on the blog, but with the beautiful weather, I'll save it for another time.

Disclaimer

While resting in bed last night, I decided that I should probably put this up here:

The last blog entry is not about one specific person or situation, but rather the events that have taken place in the five years of waiting for "our day" to come.  I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but my only intention is to speak the truth about how I feel as we travel this journey.  This blog has become a good outlet for me and a great way for me to express some of the feelings that I don't often talk about and keep inside.

Thankful Thoughts and Heart Groans

Just a few updates and thoughts:

I am thankful for something that has caused me a lot of pain and suffering.  I am thankful that we have had to deal with the horrible reality of infertility.  Yes, I have cried many tears over this issue, felt empty inside, felt out of place at a kid's events, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy, but truthfully, it's made me a stronger person and one who will be, hopefully, very considerate when that day comes for us when we get to add to our family.

Dave and I were talking on the way home tonight about pregnancies and how people announce and react to them.  For us, finding out that someone else is pregnant is kind of sad.  Yes, we are very excited for them and want the best, but at the same time, it's hard.  We wonder why it can't be us.  People tell us that God knows best and that we just have to wait for his timing, but until you've been in our shoes, you have NO IDEA how empty those words are.  We do believe that God has a plan,  but if you've never had to wait longer than a year or even six months for those two blessed lines on a pregnancy test or for that sweet moment when your child takes their first breathe, I dare say that you know little of what we deal with on almost an everyday basis.

Along those same lines, hearing people complain about their pregnancies starts to irritate me.  I try to be patient, but here's the thing.  To me, complaining about your pregnancy woes is like a rich man complaining about his four story house and awesome job to a man who is losing their house because they've lost their job.  If you were the first man, would you sit around and talk about your things and not feel any compassion at all on the poor man?  Would you complain about how you have to go to work everyday and deal with cleaning your pool?  I would hope that you would be considerate and think about how that other person feels.  Does that make any sense?

Now, do you need to hide your pregnancy from us (people who struggle getting pregnant) and pretend that nothing is going on?  No, that can be just as hurtful, but at the same time, all I ask is that the next time you're around someone who is struggling, think about how you complaining about having morning sickness or a sore back makes them feel.  I bet they would die to have to deal with an upset stomach and a hurt back.

Okay....now that I've stood on my soap box for long enough........The birth mom, K, is due this Saturday.  I've emailed and chatted with her.  She's pretty scared of the whole labor thing and I would be, too.  She's still planning on keeping the baby, A, and she and M have taken a few classes.  Just, if you get a chance, say a prayer for K and M, and baby A.  As much as I would love to welcome baby A into our family, I have to realize that God is in control and He needed us in this situation to show K God's love.

I did mail K the baby outfit and stuffed animal that we bought soon after finding out that it was a girl.  I just needed her to know that we love this baby no matter what.  She sent me a thank you note and was very excited to get it in the mail.  We've even talked about meeting face to face in November when we got home for Dave's marathon.  :-)

Thanks for all of your prayers.

ONCE Upon A Time (Part 3)

So, where were we???  :-)

My parents had shown up at church and we decided to go out to lunch with them at Olive Garden.  They went ahead on over to the restaurant and got us a table while we finished up some stuff at church.  On the drive over, I felt like throwing up.  It's an exciting time, but for me, telling my parents that we were pregnant just made me feel sick to my stomach.  I knew they would be excited, but again, we had told them that it would be at least 5 years before we started having kids.

We got there, found their table, and sat down.  I'm sitting there looking at the menu, feeling like puking, and I can't even begin to try to focus on deciding what I wanted to order.  I finally told them that I had something to tell them and I needed to get it out because I felt like I was going to be sick if I didn't.  I told them and they didn't know what to say.  My sister's reaction was full of excitement over the fact that she was going to be an aunt.  (She was 11 at the time, I think.)  My brother likes to describe my dad's reaction.  He said it was as if my dad had swallowed an entire Olive Garden breadstick whole.  After the initial shock, they started to warm up to the idea, asking us questions and finding out more information.  I will just never forget that moment of complete and utter shock on my mom and dad's faces.  It makes me smile and laugh to think about it today and we still talk about it sometimes when we're all together.  There is always laughter involved when discussing that day.

Soon after telling my parents, we told Dave's parents and Grandma when they were at our house.  They were shocked, but very excited and I remember that Beth and Joe were there, but in the other room playing with Roscoe, our pup.  Debbie (Dave's mom) asked Uncle Joe and Aunt Beth to come into the room and they did, not knowing that her words had a meaning behind them.  They were super excited for us.

I also remember telling my Grandma and Grandpa at Christmas that year.  My mom had written a sweet card that contained a little poem in it, basically saying that a baby would be joining our family before the next Christmas.  I remember watching my Grandma's face as she's reading it, trying to figure out what it meant and when she did, she showed my Grandaddy.  Everyone was so excited for us.

That Christmas, when we celebrated with my dad's side of the family, it was a sad year.  My cousin, Ryan, had been killed in an automobile accident that April.  It was our first Christmas without him and we even had the get together at my house to make things easier.  We had been sitting around talking about Ryan and my aunt had a song for us all to listen to.  After the song, it seemed like a perfect time to let everyone know that we were expecting.  I even called my cousin Beth, who wasn't able to be with us that year, to tell her the news.  Good times.

These are all memories that I will never forget.  It was such a time of excitement and joy.  Yes, we were overwhelmed, especially since we had been told that it could take us six months to get pregnant and it had taken one month, but still, the thoughts of starting our own family were so exciting.    Little did we know that in just a few short weeks, we would be sharing some sad news that will forever.

Up next...our insurance drama.  Gotta love insurance companies, right???

Home study update

Just wanted to let you all know that we are SOOO close to having our home study completed.  We've only got 5 small things to turn in and then all the paperwork has been competed.  Pretty exciting stuff.

Once Upon A Time (Part 2)

We saw two pink lines!  I remember that I was wearing a pink sweater and standing in our small bathroom in our Virginia house.  It was hard to believe that it was real, especially since we weren't trying and hadn't expected to get pregnant.  When we went off birth control, we had been told that it would probably take about 6 months for the medicine to get out of my system, so we were pretty stunned.

It started to sink in little by little.  We wanted to tell our parents first, but man, thinking about telling them made me so nervous.  I guess I just didn't know what they would say or think.  On one Sunday, my parents showed up at the church where Dave was currently working.  One of the families had made us a blanket (adult sized) and they made us open the gift in front of the church family.  When we pulled it out of the box, the way it was folded made it look like a baby blanket.  One of the elders made the comment about it actually being a baby blanket and my mom stood up and said that there was no way that was possible.  Little did she know!

(To be continued tomorrow....)