Quick Decisions

After our recent decision to attempt to adopt out of the foster care, I did some research and have made some calls. For the most part, those calls were dead ends. While the agencies/contacts I spoke with deal with foster adoptions, all of them are approved to handle adoptions for children older than 10, which doesn't fit our criteria since we want to keep Nate as our oldest child.

After playing phone tag for a few days, I got in touch with Hampton Social Services today. They do agree that finding a child younger than Nate makes the search a little more difficult, she was very excited to get us started on our journey. Besides the home study process and the background checks, etc, they require that we take a 9 week class, meeting on Tuesday nights, that would teach us more about the process and how things are handled. Unfortunately, this class has already started and is in its 3rd week and they won't have another class starting until late fall.

Bummer, right? Well, after getting some information about us and learning more about our adoption background, she would like for us to join the class, something they don't normally allow, THIS Tuesday, as in April 9th. She put a package in the mail for us this afternoon and we have to give an answer asap after the package arrives. If we say yes, we will officially start our foster adoption classes in less than a week, meaning we have to schedule childcare and find a way for Dave to change his work schedule (he currently works on Tuesday nights).

Needless to say, my head is spinning. Lots to think about and many decisions to be made. Will you join us in prayer as we make decisions?

A realization

As you may have noticed, the blog has been kind of quiet lately, part of that is due to the busy season that we've had. We recently had a trip to Florida, a birthday, and now Easter is quickly approaching.

Another reason that I've been kinda quiet is because I was really unsure as to what to do next when it comes to another adoption.

I know that we need a homestudy, no matter which route we take, but beyond that, I was honestly torn. I would love to have another infant, another baby that we bring home from the hospital. I love the newborn snuggle stage and from our experience with Nate, we know how "easy" it is to bond and feel like normal parents. While all of those things are wonderful, I worry about moving forward with another private adoption. I feel like we got so lucky with Nate's situation. Everything went so smoothly and I worry that our next experience would not be that way. On top of that, the money is a big issue. We don't have $20,000-$30,000 to put towards another adoption.

While watching the fireworks at Disney, I looked over at Nate and it hit me. While I would love to adopt another baby, my heart really wants to adopt out of foster care, even if that means that our next child will be older when he/she comes home. This trip to Disney was his third trip in three years! He is so spoiled and loved and I can't imagine what his life would be like if he were in foster care. It's hard for me to justify spending a ton of money on an infant when there are children waiting for a Mommy and a Daddy. They may grow up without ever experiencing stability and a place to call home.

As the realization hit me that night, I got scared, mainly because I didn't know if Dave would be on board. I worried that this was something that was on my heart and mind, yet not on his. I held onto this realization for a while before expressing it to him. I needed time to think about it and prepare myself for his reaction.

When I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about it this week, I was pleasantly surprised that he's okay with it as long as we stick to our original plan and adopt a child younger than Nate. That might mean that our wait time is long, but we're both okay with that.

Got might surprise us and "drop a baby in our laps" through private adoption, but at the moment, I think we're ready to really open the door to adopting out of foster care. :)

Realistic Excitement

I am so very excited about starting this adoption process, but unlike our last journey, I am trying my best to be realistic. Yes, I am ready to add to our family, but having Nate makes the wait easier to deal with. We have a lot to do before we're ready to bring another child into the family and I don't want to let my heart get too far ahead of my head.

I haven't made any more calls since I made the last post. I have plans to call Hampton Social Services (when I called earlier, they had just closed) and I look forward to what they are able to tell me. Most of the agencies that I did call will provide a home study if you join their agency. I'm just not sure that is something that we want to do. Why? If we do join an agency, most of them require a large sum of money up front and then that money is tied up into that agency. That is all well and good if you do adopt from that agency, but if we were to "find a baby" from another agency or attorney, we lose the money that we put into the agency. Just one of the many decisions that we will have to make in the following months.

**We "found" Nate through a connection with a friend and ended up not going with the agency were were using.**

I know there are some blog followers that are just joining us and I wanted to include this blog link for anyone that wanted information about what a home study entails: http://home-study.adoption.com/nuts.php  While it is much more complicated than what is posted here, this will give you some idea of what we will have to do in order to be ready if a situation comes along.

Again, thank you so much for your support and prayers.

The Journey Continues

If you're my Facebook friend, you know that things are happening in our family. :)

Before the end of last year, Dave and I came to the conclusion that we were ready to start thinking about adding to our family. We do want to adopt again and we knew that once we got settled into the new house that we wanted to look into getting our homestudy done. For those of you that don't know, a homestudy must be done before an adoption can happen. We had a homestudy done when we lived in Florida, but since the move and the adoption of Nate, we need to start the whole process over again. This is an overwhelming thought, an expensive process (probably costing around $2.000), but something that must be done if we want to add to our family.

I called a few leads today about getting our homestudy completed. Mostly, I left messages for people, hoping that I will receive a call back. I'll make some more calls tomorrow

At this moment, we are leaning toward another private adoption, much like Nate's. We're not opposed to an adoption from the foster care system, but we have decided to keep Nate as our oldest child. Because of this, it makes adopting from the system harder since most children are not free for adoption until they are older. As someone told me, it's rare to find children younger than three, but not impossible.

As far as finances, I wish we could adopt through the system. Private adoptions like Nate's are so expensive and let's face it, we aren't rolling in the dough. :)

I am so thankful for all of you that read this blog and have not only followed our journey to Nate, but will join us on this new journey.

You guys must really be.....

...Praying!

I got a call today from Jenn, the lady who works with the adoptive parents at the agency here in Jax.  She was asking if we could drop by our profiles TODAY, because they wanted to be able to show it TONIGHT! (This means that a mother is making a decision and we are one of the choices!)   Of course, I said YES!!!!!!  The only information I have is that she is in Naples, Fl.

Dave dropped them off and was told they were being shipped FedEx to a maternity home.  Since the office is closed right now and I won't know more information right now, I'm assuming that the mother must be staying at this maternity home.

Can I just say WOW?????

What's New

I've been promising updates, so here goes....Four things that are "new".

1.  Our photo profiles arrived.  Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes.  It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted.  We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in.  The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all.  :)  So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency.  That means that we will be active at the agency!  :)  Can't begin to describe how exciting it is.  Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide!  I'm praying that God will provide in 2010!  :)

2.  Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment.  I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations.  My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it.  The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try.  Now, we just have to schedule it.  I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.

It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility.  I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.  Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale,  Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption.  I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.

3.  The biggest news is probably this:  We turned down another baby.  We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July.  Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples.  After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so.  Why did we say no, you might ask?  Well, lots of reasons.  One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered.  Two, the amount of money was out of this world!  Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark.  Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away.  So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?

4.  Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money.  We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money.  Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide!  He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this.  I do know, though, that we have to do our part!  I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!  :)

Thanks for praying for us.  It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!

Look at what came in the mail today......

Our Photo Profile!!!!!  :)

Profiles, Pressure, Printing, and Bad Dreams

Over this past week, Dave and I have really tried to get our photo profile together for the agency here in Jacksonville.  Basically, until they have the profile in their hands, we can't move forward with the process.  With the agency, when a birth mother is ready to select a family for her baby,  the birth mother is shown profiles of couples that meet her criteria.  We needed ours done to even have the chance to be chosen.

Can I just say that it's really hard to "sell yourself" in the profile?  Dave and I are just not the type of people to toot our own horn.  There is so much pressure on you while creating your profile.  You want it to look nice, because obviously, if it doesn't, you may never been chosen.  It needs to include information about yourselves, your life together, your jobs, pets, house, friends, recommendation letters from friends, and your dear birth mother letter (Ours is a 20 page photo profile.)   It needs to include pictures that make you look friendly and loving, but not ones that make you seem like you're overdoing it.  It's a good idea to have some pictures with children, but too many of those and you look like you're trying too hard.  Needless to say, it's not something you can just sit down and accomplish in one hour.  I think all together, I worked on ours for over 15 hours this week (hence the lack of blogging).  I've gone through picture after picture (and if you know me, we have tons of pictures), trying to find the right ones.  We've written and reworded things a million times.  I've changed picture layouts and tried to make the layout pleasing to the eye.

We finally finished last night.  I got a coupon in my email for 25% off our profile books (we needed three for the agency here in Jax) and was determined to get it done by midnight in order to use the coupon.  I think we officially ordered them around 11:20.  Close, but still with time to spare, right?  :-)  I got an email this morning saying that they have been printed and shipped and should arrive sometime before the beginning of next week.  Once we get them in the mail, we can take them to the agency and we have the opportunity to be chosen.  One step closer to our goal.  I went and got in bed last night and felt like a lot of pressure has been removed.  One more thing could be crossed off on my list.

Then...I went to sleep.  I kept having nightmares that our book was messed up, that the birth mothers hated it, or that we had to start all over again.  Needless to say, it as a night of major tossing and turning and the relief that I had felt last night was gone.  Now, panic had taken over.  I'm just having to remind myself that we did the best we could and we aren't perfect people.  If it's not 100% perfect, if there is one misspelling (even though we checked it a million times), that life will go on.  I am just having to trust God that, now that we've done our part, He can do his, more than what he's already done so far.  It's hard and I'm not going to lie and say the panic is gone, but I just can't worry about it too much.

Well, I've got more to share, but it's time for small groups with the girl teens at our church.  I know that I'm leaving you hanging, but I can't be late!!!  :)

Questions Answered

Here are a few questions that I've received that I thought I'd answer.

1.  Are we still trying to have our own biological children?


Yes, of course, we are still "trying", but at this point, that basically means that we are doing nothing to prevent it from happening, as has been the case for the past 5 years (will officially be 5 years this March).  At times, we have done temperature charting, ovulation monitors, and I've been on clomid (a type of medicine that aids in ovulation, was on 50 mg and then 100 mg) for about 6 months of that time period with no results.

2.  Are we going to try any infertility treatments?


Yes and no.

We do plan on trying the IUI procedure once, just to say that we have tried it.  The cost for this procedure is right under $1000.   Basically, they put me on clomid, monitor my egg growth and release, take numerous blood draws, and when the time is right, they would artificially inseminate me through a catheter.  Sounds romantic, right?  haha

We had planned on doing this procedure soon after our appointment at the fertility doctor last November, but because of my gall bladder issues, they wouldn't let us do any of that until that was taken care of.  Right now, we are in the midst of getting that set up.  Due to the fact that things have to be timed exactly right, we didn't want to schedule them on days when we would be gone to Virginia.

We do not, however, have any plans of moving forward after that.  IVF is just too expensive and invasive for us.  It's right for some people, but for us, we would rather use that money to adopt.

3.  Does our insurance cover infertility treatments?


A big fat NO!  Our insurance will cover diagnostic testing, but does not cover a single cent of any infertility treatments.  Not even the clomid. :(

4.  How much does an adoption cost?


Adoption costs all vary depending on what type of adoption you are doing.

International can be pretty expensive, but that is due to the massive amounts of paperwork, called a dossier,  and traveling that you must do.  These can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 and sometimes more.  Also, there is always the chance that after getting a lot of money into adopting from a certain country, that country will then close the adoption rights and your adoption will fall through.  Some countries will lesson the adoption fee for hard to place children.

Domestic infant adoptions are expensive and can range from $5,000 to $40,000.  I would say the average cost would be around $25,000.  The expenses differ depending on what type of adoption you do.  There are agency adoptions, independent adoptions, attorney adoptions, etc.  The major risk of these would be the birthmother/father deciding after the baby is born to parent the baby.  Also, because most states allow it, the adoptive parents normally have to pay for some living expenses of the birthparents.  If they do change their mind after the baby is born, most of that money is then lost.

Foster care adoptions can cost between $0-$5,000.  Many of these children are hard to place children, meaning children who are older than 8, have siblings, or have medical issues.  With these adoptions, the children normally have lots of emotional issues and there is normally an issue with the parent's rights.  They prefer to place these children with people that are older and have had parenting experience.

5.  What is a home study?


A home study is the first thing you need to do in order to adopt.  It's basically a document which states that you are capable of providing for a child.  For ours, we had to do tons of paperwork, some of which included employers letters stating where we worked, an application, information on our finances, proof of our marriage, birth certificates, and the list goes on.  Also, we had to complete a physical, proving that we didn't have any health conditions keeping us from adopting, we had to have numerous background checks done, we had to have multiple references, we had to sign agreements stating that we had not been arrested for any reason, and numerous of other things .  Dave and I had to complete a paper on our history and reasons for adopting.  These had to be typed and had to answer four pages of questions given to us by our social worker.  When we were finished, Dave's paper was 10 pages long and mine was 12.  Pretty crazy stuff.  We also had our social worker come to our house to make sure our home was suitable for children and we had an interview with her.

Our home study started in late September and was completed the first week in November.  Ours went by pretty quickly due to the fact that we were going to be adopting K's baby is October.

Home study costs can range from about $1000 to $2000.  Ours was a gift from a family here in Florida that has known of our desire to have a family.  We are SOO grateful to them for providing this for us!!!

6.  Did we have to have a baby's room ready for our home study?


No, we did not, and I am very thankful for that.  Yes, I want to get a room together, but having a prepared room and it staying empty would not be much fun.  We do, however, have a few things here at the house in case we get a phone call about a baby that has already been born.  We have an infant car seat, a pack-n-play, a baby bathtub, numerous toys, and a handful of baby outfits.  We have friends that have a crib for us and another family that has a swing ready for us, when the time comes.  We have been blessed by having friends that are willing to give us things for baby VBK.

7.  What wait time are we looking at?


Once we finish up of family profile, our wait time could be anywhere between a couple of weeks to 2 years (or longer).  When adopting through an agency (and most other venues), your name is not just put on a list and you move up a list as babies are placed.  When a birthmother comes in, she is given multiple family profiles and she can decide on one of those.  We will have to be "chosen" in order to adopt so it could take a while.

I hope this has answered some of your questions.  Feel free to email me at jennifervbk@yahoo.com  if you have any more.  :)

I love getting the mail...

...when it contains a good letter from the adoption agency here in Jax.  They have our application, have reviewed it, and we are officially approved!  :)

It's about time

Well, it's time.  Time for others to know about our adoption plans.

Yes, there are some that know, but there are lots that don't and it's about time that we share what's going on.  Up until now, I've been selective about telling people about our blog, not because I'm ashamed in any way of adopting, but rather because it was all new to us.  It's still new, but I'm becoming more aware everyday of how little most people know about adoption and I hope that through this blog, others can follow our journey and learn about adoption. We don't know where this journey will lead.  Doors have been opened, but at this point, there are so many doors and we're just waiting for God to lead us through one of them.

So, if this is the first time reading my blog, enjoy!  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  :)

Update

Well, I talked with the attorney about the situation that I mentioned in my last blog.
Here's some info that I can share about it.  The birthmom is young and is currently living with her older sister in Southern Florida.  No info on who the father is.  She is 21 weeks along and attorney does not know the gender of the baby.
Basically, the birthmom has already been given some profiles of waiting couples to look at.  If she doesn't like any that she is looking at or wants to see more, the lady I talked with is more than willing to get her our information.  Also, the lady is willing to get our information and let us know of situations opening up in the future if this situation is a no go.

So, where do we stand tonight in this?  Just waiting to hear something.  We're working on putting together a dear birthmother letter and our photo profile.  Fun stuff!

Another Situation

Just got another email from our SW (social worker who did our home study) with another possible situation.  I sent out an email to the attorney, so now, it's a waiting game to see if I get a response and if the situation is still open.  Appears that the birthmom is younger, living with a sibling, and is 21 weeks along.

Okay God, you're opening lots of doors.  Please let one of those doors lead us to our baby.

Application

So, I went after work to drop off the application and the agency was closed.  Went to Walmart to pick up a mailer, determined to get it in the mail ASAP, since I'm not going to have the time to drop it by the rest of the week.  I got it all (application and a copy of our home study) in the envelope, sealed it , and had it ready to be mailed after our supper tonight, and then about 20 minutes later, was reminded by my hubby that I needed to send a current picture of the two of us.  Guess what I left out?  Yep, our picture.  Thankfully, Dave says he's going to run it by the office tomorrow.

(Will tell more about the agency/ministry I'm talking about when I don't have ten thousand more important things to do!  )

Also, here's a blog entry that I enjoyed and that made me laugh!

MAIL

So, I got home today (I worked extended and it was dark when I got home.  :(  yuck) and guess what had come in the mail?????

OUR COMPLETED AND NOTARIZED HOMESTUDY!!!!!!

It's official:

THE VBKS ARE OFFICIALLY PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!

More than you want to know

I know this may be more than you want, or care, to know, but I totally cried today while on the phone.  I am just overwhelmed by all that is going on.

Basically, within the last few days, we got an email from the SW about the February baby which opened the situation back up to us.  So, we then had to figure out what we wanted to do.

I tried to call the attorney today to get more information since we have lots of questions, but they have already spoken with a couple that is most likely going to follow through with this Feb. baby.  We will know by Friday whether they are a go or not.  I'm okay with this, but at the same time, it's another closed door, and this time, we weren't the ones to close it.

I then called an adoption agency here in Jax and an adoption ministry that is nationwide.  I can't begin to describe the fears and tears that came because of these calls.  Yes, they were both very encouraging, but man, these decisions we are making are huge.  Both are Christian related and it's nice to talk to people that believe that God is involved in all of this, but if you have never had to look into adoption, then you have no idea what all in entails.  We're talking thousands of dollars, thousands and thousands of dollars, thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I'm hoping to blog about this soon, but I will say this:  ADOPTION IS NOT CHEAP IN ANY WAY!

God, please use this blog as a comfort to others going through this process, but also as an eye opener to those who have never had to think about looking for an adoption agency, those who have never waited for a long time for those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  Please let my words open their hearts and minds to understand that saying the words "Well, why don't you just adopt?" are horrible words to say if they do not know the truth about adoption.

It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Saying NO and Paper Pregnant

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February.  When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt.  Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no.  It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama.  Oh, how I just want to say yes!

In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!!  We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".

Prayers Needed

OH...I need your prayers.  I've got so much to say and post on the blog, but just now, I got an email about a possible adoption situation.  (And no, it does not involve baby A)  Can I just say WOW???????  Please pray!  Can't give any information at the moment.

Home study update

Just wanted to let you all know that we are SOOO close to having our home study completed.  We've only got 5 small things to turn in and then all the paperwork has been competed.  Pretty exciting stuff.