Sunday, November 29, 2009

Disappointment

Dave and I went to Barnes and Noble last night.  I had gotten a gift card from Allen and Angela (my brother and sister-in-law) and I wanted to get some adoption books.  I find their pregnancy/childcare section and was glad to see five whole packed shelves of books.  I start searching for the adoption books and can't seem to find them anywhere.  I mean, come on, they are a pretty large bookstore and should have a decent amount of
books on adoption.  Can you guess why I was having a hard time locating them???  They only had three books!  Three books, out of five whole shelves of books.  Out of those three, only one of those is a more current adoption book.  I ended up getting this book:


Pretty disappointed in you, Barnes and Noble!  :-(  I wasn't expecting adoption to have it's own section or anything, but I was expecting something more.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Questions Answered

Here are a few questions that I've received that I thought I'd answer.

1.  Are we still trying to have our own biological children?


Yes, of course, we are still "trying", but at this point, that basically means that we are doing nothing to prevent it from happening, as has been the case for the past 5 years (will officially be 5 years this March).  At times, we have done temperature charting, ovulation monitors, and I've been on clomid (a type of medicine that aids in ovulation, was on 50 mg and then 100 mg) for about 6 months of that time period with no results.

2.  Are we going to try any infertility treatments?


Yes and no.

We do plan on trying the IUI procedure once, just to say that we have tried it.  The cost for this procedure is right under $1000.   Basically, they put me on clomid, monitor my egg growth and release, take numerous blood draws, and when the time is right, they would artificially inseminate me through a catheter.  Sounds romantic, right?  haha

We had planned on doing this procedure soon after our appointment at the fertility doctor last November, but because of my gall bladder issues, they wouldn't let us do any of that until that was taken care of.  Right now, we are in the midst of getting that set up.  Due to the fact that things have to be timed exactly right, we didn't want to schedule them on days when we would be gone to Virginia.

We do not, however, have any plans of moving forward after that.  IVF is just too expensive and invasive for us.  It's right for some people, but for us, we would rather use that money to adopt.

3.  Does our insurance cover infertility treatments?


A big fat NO!  Our insurance will cover diagnostic testing, but does not cover a single cent of any infertility treatments.  Not even the clomid. :(

4.  How much does an adoption cost?


Adoption costs all vary depending on what type of adoption you are doing.

International can be pretty expensive, but that is due to the massive amounts of paperwork, called a dossier,  and traveling that you must do.  These can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 and sometimes more.  Also, there is always the chance that after getting a lot of money into adopting from a certain country, that country will then close the adoption rights and your adoption will fall through.  Some countries will lesson the adoption fee for hard to place children.

Domestic infant adoptions are expensive and can range from $5,000 to $40,000.  I would say the average cost would be around $25,000.  The expenses differ depending on what type of adoption you do.  There are agency adoptions, independent adoptions, attorney adoptions, etc.  The major risk of these would be the birthmother/father deciding after the baby is born to parent the baby.  Also, because most states allow it, the adoptive parents normally have to pay for some living expenses of the birthparents.  If they do change their mind after the baby is born, most of that money is then lost.

Foster care adoptions can cost between $0-$5,000.  Many of these children are hard to place children, meaning children who are older than 8, have siblings, or have medical issues.  With these adoptions, the children normally have lots of emotional issues and there is normally an issue with the parent's rights.  They prefer to place these children with people that are older and have had parenting experience.

5.  What is a home study?


A home study is the first thing you need to do in order to adopt.  It's basically a document which states that you are capable of providing for a child.  For ours, we had to do tons of paperwork, some of which included employers letters stating where we worked, an application, information on our finances, proof of our marriage, birth certificates, and the list goes on.  Also, we had to complete a physical, proving that we didn't have any health conditions keeping us from adopting, we had to have numerous background checks done, we had to have multiple references, we had to sign agreements stating that we had not been arrested for any reason, and numerous of other things .  Dave and I had to complete a paper on our history and reasons for adopting.  These had to be typed and had to answer four pages of questions given to us by our social worker.  When we were finished, Dave's paper was 10 pages long and mine was 12.  Pretty crazy stuff.  We also had our social worker come to our house to make sure our home was suitable for children and we had an interview with her.

Our home study started in late September and was completed the first week in November.  Ours went by pretty quickly due to the fact that we were going to be adopting K's baby is October.

Home study costs can range from about $1000 to $2000.  Ours was a gift from a family here in Florida that has known of our desire to have a family.  We are SOO grateful to them for providing this for us!!!

6.  Did we have to have a baby's room ready for our home study?


No, we did not, and I am very thankful for that.  Yes, I want to get a room together, but having a prepared room and it staying empty would not be much fun.  We do, however, have a few things here at the house in case we get a phone call about a baby that has already been born.  We have an infant car seat, a pack-n-play, a baby bathtub, numerous toys, and a handful of baby outfits.  We have friends that have a crib for us and another family that has a swing ready for us, when the time comes.  We have been blessed by having friends that are willing to give us things for baby VBK.

7.  What wait time are we looking at?


Once we finish up of family profile, our wait time could be anywhere between a couple of weeks to 2 years (or longer).  When adopting through an agency (and most other venues), your name is not just put on a list and you move up a list as babies are placed.  When a birthmother comes in, she is given multiple family profiles and she can decide on one of those.  We will have to be "chosen" in order to adopt so it could take a while.

I hope this has answered some of your questions.  Feel free to email me at jennifervbk@yahoo.com  if you have any more.  :)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I love getting the mail...

...when it contains a good letter from the adoption agency here in Jax.  They have our application, have reviewed it, and we are officially approved!  :)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Questions

I've had a few people ask some questions and thought that before I answered them, I'd see if anyone else has any questions that they might be curious to know about us or about our journey.  I'll wait until Friday for questions and then I'll try to answer them this weekend.

So, ask away!  :)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Cute Shirt




Saw this and loved it!

Where We Are Now

Thought I'd update you all on where we are now in this journey.

First, we're applying with a local agency here in Jax.  They are a Christian ministry which, because Dave is a minister, allows us to list for free.  We have put in our application, but have a few more papers to sign before it's official.  Once official, we have to turn in a photo profile.  This is a 16 or so page "book" which will be shown to birthmothers that fall into our criteria.  This profile book is not easy and will take a while for us to get together, so basically, once all of that is done, our profile will be available to birth mothers.  We still have to be chosen, so just listing is not a guarantee of adopting.  Once matched with a birthmother, we have to pay a large sum of money, part of the grand fee, and living expenses for the birthmother, as this is legal in the state of Florida.  Once the baby is born, and if the birthmother doesn't decide to parent the baby, we will bring the baby home and have to pay the rest of the fee.  The wait time for this could be 3 months or it could be 3 years.

Second, we have a connection at a local hospital that is keeping an eye open for us for babies that have been born at the hospital, but have been signed over.  This would be awesome, if God so desires for our baby to join our family this way.

Third, our social worker who did our home study, is often (meaning once every couple of weeks) contacted by attorneys and agencies who have a situation.  This is how the February baby and the current baby situation have come to our attention.  She sends us the information and we determine if we want to get more information.

Right now, we are working on our photo profiles, getting information on the possible April baby, and praying that one of these doors is the right one.  :)  Thank you for joining us and praying for us!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's about time

Well, it's time.  Time for others to know about our adoption plans.

Yes, there are some that know, but there are lots that don't and it's about time that we share what's going on.  Up until now, I've been selective about telling people about our blog, not because I'm ashamed in any way of adopting, but rather because it was all new to us.  It's still new, but I'm becoming more aware everyday of how little most people know about adoption and I hope that through this blog, others can follow our journey and learn about adoption. We don't know where this journey will lead.  Doors have been opened, but at this point, there are so many doors and we're just waiting for God to lead us through one of them.

So, if this is the first time reading my blog, enjoy!  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

Update

Well, I talked with the attorney about the situation that I mentioned in my last blog.
Here's some info that I can share about it.  The birthmom is young and is currently living with her older sister in Southern Florida.  No info on who the father is.  She is 21 weeks along and attorney does not know the gender of the baby.
Basically, the birthmom has already been given some profiles of waiting couples to look at.  If she doesn't like any that she is looking at or wants to see more, the lady I talked with is more than willing to get her our information.  Also, the lady is willing to get our information and let us know of situations opening up in the future if this situation is a no go.

So, where do we stand tonight in this?  Just waiting to hear something.  We're working on putting together a dear birthmother letter and our photo profile.  Fun stuff!

Another Situation

Just got another email from our SW (social worker who did our home study) with another possible situation.  I sent out an email to the attorney, so now, it's a waiting game to see if I get a response and if the situation is still open.  Appears that the birthmom is younger, living with a sibling, and is 21 weeks along.

Okay God, you're opening lots of doors.  Please let one of those doors lead us to our baby.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Infertility Assumptions

I'm going to update you guys this weekend (when I've got some free time on my hands) on where we are in this whole adoption process.  I did, though, want to share this.  Here are some common infertility assumptions that I've come in contact with over the last 5 years.


Infertility Assumptions


1.  People who are infertile do not enjoy being around babies.  
This is not the truth for most of us.  I love babies and baby things.  I enjoy holding and cuddling with babies.  I work in the nursery once a month and will continue.  Yes, there are times when it makes me sad to know that we don't have our own children, but this does not mean that I do not want to talk about babies or skip holding the newborns in our church.

2.  I am jealous of people who are pregnant or have children.
I am not jealous.  To me, being jealous means that I want what they have and I want to take it away from them.  I do desire to be a mother and to have children, but I do not wish for others to have to go through this journey.  I also don't think about how I wish other people weren't so "lucky" when it comes to getting pregnant.   I do, sometimes, get annoyed with the people who constantly complain about being pregnant or how their children make their lives so unhappy.  There are some of us that would do anything to have those "horrible" pregnancy symptoms that you are constantly complaining about.  Be thankful!!!!!!!

3.  Infertile people hate baby showers.
This one kind of goes along with number 1, but is somewhat different.  We do not hate baby showers, but we do hate the fact that by going to them, we are constantly reminded that we have not achieved pregnancy.  We dream about the day when we are the ones opening up the presents instead of always being the one buying the presents.  For me, I hate going because it always brings the question of when we are going to have kids.  This means that I then have to go into the whole infertility talk and have people feel sorry for me.  I don't mind sharing this information, but sometimes, I just want to be normal, too.  

4.  Insurance covers infertility treatments.
For most of us, insurance will not touch any infertility treatments.  For Dave and I, we have our own insurance policy, which we pay and arm and a leg for, and while they will help pay for diagnostic testing, they do not cover ANY of our infertility treatments.  For those of you who have never had to look into infertility treatments, just trust me when I say that they are expensive.  Our 15 minute office visit, not even an exam, with the infertility specialist cost us $300.

5.  We don't want children.
I have had quite a few people who do not know about our issues ask us if we don't want children.  People assume, sometimes, that since we have been married for more than 5 years and don't have children, that we don't want children.  Yes, we want children, but in the future, don't just assume that a couple doesn't want children because they don't have any.  They might just struggle with infertility and asking them this question can be hurtful.

6.  It is easy to adopt.
Often times, when we find out people cannot have children, we tell them that they should adopt, as if all you have to do is sign a paper, head to the hospital, and drive away with a baby.  This is not the case, at all!  I'm hoping that this blog can be used to help others understand that adoption is overwhelming, expensive, and an emotional roller coaster.


  

Monday, November 16, 2009

Application

So, I went after work to drop off the application and the agency was closed.  Went to Walmart to pick up a mailer, determined to get it in the mail ASAP, since I'm not going to have the time to drop it by the rest of the week.  I got it all (application and a copy of our home study) in the envelope, sealed it , and had it ready to be mailed after our supper tonight, and then about 20 minutes later, was reminded by my hubby that I needed to send a current picture of the two of us.  Guess what I left out?  Yep, our picture.  Thankfully, Dave says he's going to run it by the office tomorrow.

(Will tell more about the agency/ministry I'm talking about when I don't have ten thousand more important things to do!  )

Also, here's a blog entry that I enjoyed and that made me laugh!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Application

We finished filling out our application for the agency/ministry here in town!  Planning on dropping it off after work tomorrow.

(Will give more details tomorrow!)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

He Made It!!!

Dave finished the marathon today!  Here are two pictures and I will upload more later.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

We made it!

Just wanted you all to know that we made it to Virginia!  :)  We showed up just in time for tropical storm Ida!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Home

So, I know that Dave and I have lived in Florida for 3 1/2 years now and technically, this is our home, but "going home" to me is going to my parent's home and Dave's parent's home.  We leave on Wednesday and start our crazy trip for Dave's marathon.  We're staying in a different house each night and driving somewhere each day of our trip.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I'm very excited to see everyone, especially since we haven't been in Virginia since last Thanksgiving.  Now, I just need to pack and clean and get stuff ready for my substitute and ......... (This list goes on and on.)  I just pray that I can get it all accomplished by Wednesday at 8.

Pray for us as we travel and for Dave as he runs the marathon.  He's nervous, but excited.  :)  Also, pray for us as I'm sure there will be baby talk, especially with Dave's sister being pregnant, and I just don't want to be too emotional and struggle to contain my tears.

On a lighter note, I think that I haven't posted a picture of both of us on here before and since some of you have never met us, I thought now would be a perfect time.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Prayers Needed

If you can, will you please lift up the Woolard and Mouldin family in your prayers?  Kelly and Eric Woolard went to college with us and after getting married, they struggled with infertility.  After a couple rounds of IVF, they got pregnant with twins.  Just this Thursday, the twins, Luke and Macey, were born early at 28 weeks.  We found out today that Luke died last night and Macey still has a long road, but seems to be a fighter.

My heart breaks for them.

Friday, November 6, 2009

MAIL

So, I got home today (I worked extended and it was dark when I got home.  :(  yuck) and guess what had come in the mail?????

OUR COMPLETED AND NOTARIZED HOMESTUDY!!!!!!

It's official:

THE VBKS ARE OFFICIALLY PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Would it be wrong???

Would it be wrong to ask for money for our adoption/infertility instead of presents this year for Christmas?  I have more than I could ever really need in most areas of my life, but could really use the money to get/achieve something that I desire more than anything in the world.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

More than you want to know

I know this may be more than you want, or care, to know, but I totally cried today while on the phone.  I am just overwhelmed by all that is going on.

Basically, within the last few days, we got an email from the SW about the February baby which opened the situation back up to us.  So, we then had to figure out what we wanted to do.

I tried to call the attorney today to get more information since we have lots of questions, but they have already spoken with a couple that is most likely going to follow through with this Feb. baby.  We will know by Friday whether they are a go or not.  I'm okay with this, but at the same time, it's another closed door, and this time, we weren't the ones to close it.

I then called an adoption agency here in Jax and an adoption ministry that is nationwide.  I can't begin to describe the fears and tears that came because of these calls.  Yes, they were both very encouraging, but man, these decisions we are making are huge.  Both are Christian related and it's nice to talk to people that believe that God is involved in all of this, but if you have never had to look into adoption, then you have no idea what all in entails.  We're talking thousands of dollars, thousands and thousands of dollars, thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I'm hoping to blog about this soon, but I will say this:  ADOPTION IS NOT CHEAP IN ANY WAY!

God, please use this blog as a comfort to others going through this process, but also as an eye opener to those who have never had to think about looking for an adoption agency, those who have never waited for a long time for those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  Please let my words open their hearts and minds to understand that saying the words "Well, why don't you just adopt?" are horrible words to say if they do not know the truth about adoption.