What's New

I've been promising updates, so here goes....Four things that are "new".

1.  Our photo profiles arrived.  Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes.  It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted.  We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in.  The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all.  :)  So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency.  That means that we will be active at the agency!  :)  Can't begin to describe how exciting it is.  Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide!  I'm praying that God will provide in 2010!  :)

2.  Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment.  I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations.  My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it.  The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try.  Now, we just have to schedule it.  I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.

It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility.  I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.  Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale,  Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption.  I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.

3.  The biggest news is probably this:  We turned down another baby.  We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July.  Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples.  After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so.  Why did we say no, you might ask?  Well, lots of reasons.  One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered.  Two, the amount of money was out of this world!  Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark.  Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away.  So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?

4.  Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money.  We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money.  Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide!  He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this.  I do know, though, that we have to do our part!  I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!  :)

Thanks for praying for us.  It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!

Update

Well, I talked with the attorney about the situation that I mentioned in my last blog.
Here's some info that I can share about it.  The birthmom is young and is currently living with her older sister in Southern Florida.  No info on who the father is.  She is 21 weeks along and attorney does not know the gender of the baby.
Basically, the birthmom has already been given some profiles of waiting couples to look at.  If she doesn't like any that she is looking at or wants to see more, the lady I talked with is more than willing to get her our information.  Also, the lady is willing to get our information and let us know of situations opening up in the future if this situation is a no go.

So, where do we stand tonight in this?  Just waiting to hear something.  We're working on putting together a dear birthmother letter and our photo profile.  Fun stuff!

Another Situation

Just got another email from our SW (social worker who did our home study) with another possible situation.  I sent out an email to the attorney, so now, it's a waiting game to see if I get a response and if the situation is still open.  Appears that the birthmom is younger, living with a sibling, and is 21 weeks along.

Okay God, you're opening lots of doors.  Please let one of those doors lead us to our baby.

More than you want to know

I know this may be more than you want, or care, to know, but I totally cried today while on the phone.  I am just overwhelmed by all that is going on.

Basically, within the last few days, we got an email from the SW about the February baby which opened the situation back up to us.  So, we then had to figure out what we wanted to do.

I tried to call the attorney today to get more information since we have lots of questions, but they have already spoken with a couple that is most likely going to follow through with this Feb. baby.  We will know by Friday whether they are a go or not.  I'm okay with this, but at the same time, it's another closed door, and this time, we weren't the ones to close it.

I then called an adoption agency here in Jax and an adoption ministry that is nationwide.  I can't begin to describe the fears and tears that came because of these calls.  Yes, they were both very encouraging, but man, these decisions we are making are huge.  Both are Christian related and it's nice to talk to people that believe that God is involved in all of this, but if you have never had to look into adoption, then you have no idea what all in entails.  We're talking thousands of dollars, thousands and thousands of dollars, thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I'm hoping to blog about this soon, but I will say this:  ADOPTION IS NOT CHEAP IN ANY WAY!

God, please use this blog as a comfort to others going through this process, but also as an eye opener to those who have never had to think about looking for an adoption agency, those who have never waited for a long time for those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  Please let my words open their hearts and minds to understand that saying the words "Well, why don't you just adopt?" are horrible words to say if they do not know the truth about adoption.

It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Saying NO and Paper Pregnant

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February.  When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt.  Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no.  It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama.  Oh, how I just want to say yes!

In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!!  We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".

Prayers Needed

OH...I need your prayers.  I've got so much to say and post on the blog, but just now, I got an email about a possible adoption situation.  (And no, it does not involve baby A)  Can I just say WOW???????  Please pray!  Can't give any information at the moment.