Present From A Student

Here's a picture of a candle that I received as a present from one of my students.  Little did she know that it holds so much meaning and gives me hope when I look at it!  :)  Maybe tomorrow will be "our day."

I Promised

I promised a real update, so here goes.

We're waiting.  We haven't heard anything.

That's my update!  :)  Exciting, huh?  

We're just stuck in the waiting game right now.

We haven't heard anything from the agency.  I do have more profiles to drop off sometime this week, so I'm hoping to talk with them and see if there are any updates.  While I am very thankful that we went with this agency, due to the fact that it's a Christian agency and with Dave being a minister, they let us list for free, I just hate the fact that we don't know anything or get updates.  I've heard that this is how it goes with most agencies, but it's hard not knowing if anything is happening.

I did talk with the people at Florida Baptist Children's Home.  In order to adopt through them, we would have to go through their home study process and take 30 hours of classes through them.  While I have no desire to go through all of that again, their cost is about half of what we are expecting through the other sources.  We would not be able to start any of that until April, due to the one of the ladies being on maternity leave.  This gives us some time to think about it and figure out if we want to go that avenue or not.  She said the wait time, once the home study and classes are finished, in normally three months, although this is not a given.

No emails or anything from the attorney or social worker with any possible situations.  :(

I looked through some waiting children the other day.  Probably not a good idea for me to do that, because it breaks my heart to see these children waiting for families.  Most of them need families that are able to provide things we cannot provide, like a parent that stays home or a family where they will be the only child, etc.  Many of them have emotional issues or medical problems and lots of them are part of sibling groups, normally three or more.  It still breaks my heart.

We haven't won the lottery or anything to provide the money to adopt, but we will find a way.  While in Virginia, we had some family members encourage us and let us know that they are so happy for us.  It's just a reminder that this is the path that we are meant to be on, even though it's not easy or pleasant.  Dave and I have been talking about different things that we can do to make it happen.

Here are some questions for you!  I'd love some input!
We've talked about doing some fundraising, setting up an tax-deductible account, t-shirts, etc.
Is it bad if we do this?
Does it make us into a charity case?
Is it worth the effort?
Do you have any ideas for us?

Email updates, Promise, and Pics

Email updates:

I've made a contact list in my email for those of you who read my blog and would like to be notified by an email when there is a new blog post.  If you would like to be added to this list, either contact me by emailing me at jennifervbk@yahoo.com or by leaving a comment with your email address.  I'm more than happy to add you to the list.

Promise:
I have lots to blog about and get your opinion on, but it will have to wait till tomorrow.  So, my promise to you is that I plan on blogging about that tomorrow.

Pics:

My side of the family

Dave's side of the family

i Heart Faces: Hilarious Outtakes

I Heart Faces : Hilarious Outtakes

Over at I Heart Faces, they are having their weekly photography contest.  Here are my 5 entries for this week:

1.  This is my lovely sister, Lisa, making a random fish face while at Rainforest Cafe.

2.  My authentic friend, Trish, wondering why I am taking a picture of her!  :)  She should know better.

3.  Some of our teens at church, Hannah and Rachael, playing a game at camp.  Two body parts are called out and they have to find each other in a crowd and put those parts together.  It appears that this round was elbow to eyeball!

4.  During our New Year's Eve bash with the teens, we played Survivor.  In this challenge, the teens had to hold the water balloons with their arms extended for a long as possible.  Perry was dying at this point, but was determined NOT to lose!

5.  And my favorite:  Baby Seth, totally not happy, and looking like an old man!!!!!  Poor thing!

Discouragement and encouragement

So, we got some discouraging news. 

While in Hampton, we decided to stop by the credit union that we belong to and talk to them about a loan.  We don't want to wait until we are matched to come up with the money.  We'd rather be prepared.  So, we got some bad news.  Because of the fact that we don't have anything that they can hold against us or anything to borrow against, they won't give us the loan.  We have good credit and they weren't concerned about us making payments.  We do own a house, but because we bought at the peak of the housing market and since then, the value of our house has gone down, that it out of the question.  We do have two vehicles, but neither one is worthy of helping us out with a loan. 

I cannot lie.  I was VERY discouraged.  VERY.  To the point of being in tears for over an hour.  It felt like another door was closing and the hope that I had felt just a few days earlier was slipping through my fingers.  I started seeing us as that couple that watches everyone else have a family.  That couple that is lonely and spends more Christmas vacations just as a family of 2.  It was a very, very dark place to be. 

Then, I'm encouraged by the amount of support and love we have felt from family about our decision to adopt, especially the encouragement we have gotten while around family this Christmas.   I have to remind myself that we will find a way, that maybe God has to help us realize that we can't do this by ourselves, that the only way it will happen is with His power and will. 

It's a ....

...NO!
Well, we waited too long.  :(  I just got an email from the attorney.  The baby has arrived and the mom has already made her decision.


Guess this was the answer that we needed.  We had been going back and forth all day and were torn.  Guess God just took care of it for us.

Please Pray!

I got up this morning and had received an email from the local Jax attorney.  The baby that we had been told about that was due in January is being born TODAY!  The mom is currently in labor and we have to decide TODAY if we want to be a possibility when she chooses an adoptive family.

So far, there are four other families that are "in the running".  If we decide that we want to be considered and are not chosen, we will be out of $100.  If we are chosen, we could possibly have a daughter by Christmas.

Here is some information I can give you:  (There are lots of things that I can't share.)

Here are the pros:  The mother is in her 30's, has given a baby up for adoption in the past, and since the baby is already being born, the mother would be choosing after the baby being born, leaving little time for her to change her mind.

Cons:  The mother was on birth control when the baby was conceived and remained on it for a while before she realized she was pregnant, we would have to get money ASAP, and I mean ASAP, if chosen, would have to leave for Florida right away (we're in VA with our families), and the baby is being born a month early, giving concerns.

I am so torn.  I feel like there are the cons there to keep me from saying yes, but wow, there are lots of pros too.

Wish decisions were easier.

Hope!

It's the most wonderful time of the year, right?  Or at least it is supposed to be.

Yes, it is a hard time of year for us.  We are still on our journey.  We don't have answers.  We don't have an end in sight.  We still wonder why we have to go through this.  We thought we'd have a little one traveling home with us to Virginia for Christmas.

Yes, it is hard, I'm not going to lie, but this year, I have hope.  I know that I don't have a "match" yet and I don't have a baby in my arms this year for Christmas, but I do have hope.

Hope that someday, hopefully before next Christmas, that we will be a family of three instead of a family of two.
Hope that this year is the last year that I have to send out a Christmas cards with only the two of us and our puppies.
Hope that instead of just seeing the baby's first Christmas ornaments in the stores, that I will actually be able to purchase one for a VBK baby.
Hope that there will be three stockings to hang instead of two (and one for the pups, of course.)
Hope that Brennen (our nephew being born in the spring) will have someone to play with and grow up with.
Hope that God will get the glory and honor from all that happens.  I can't wait to sit back years from now, or even months from now, and be able to say, "I can see how God had this planned from the very beginning."

As Melody, Dave's cousin in Michigan, wrote in her Christmas card to us this year:  May 2010 be a year to remember!   :)

(More to come later.  I have a lot to say, but I'm struggling with how open and honest I can be on the blog.  I've had this one post written in my head for almost a week now, but every time I start, I delete it for fear of what people will think. )

One way or the other!

So, we still haven't heard anything from the agency.

Dave and I kept the kids in PVB today and we had planned on dropping off our corrected profiles at the agency on the way.  I was hoping to talk with them and find out more information.  But...I got sick right before we left the house and then we ran out of time.  Maybe tomorrow.  They already have the other three, so it isn't like they don't have our info.  We just wanted to give them the corrected ones.

Tomorrow, we are going to scan one of the corrected ones and send our profile to the agency in Miami that we had spoken with over the last few weeks.  They are an agency that we got information from through our social worker that did our home study.

I also sent an email to the Florida Baptist Children's Home here in Jax.  We've spoken a few times through email and I plan on calling tomorrow and getting more information.

I did talk to an attorney here in Jacksonville today.  Through a friend, we found out about a baby due on the 29th, as in December 29th.  Basically, we don't meet the criteria of the birth parents, so we aren't going to pursue it.  They wanted a couple in their mid-thirties and a couple that doesn't live in Jacksonville.  Through this attorney, we did find out about another baby that is due in January (probably going to be a no, but not sure yet) and he said that he would put us on the email list for possible situations.

I've got a lot of deep thoughts on my mind and I'm hoping to share more tomorrow.

No News

With so many people following our journey and asking if we've heard anything, I just wanted to keep you guys updated.  So far, we haven't heard anything.  Obviously, this isn't a quick decision on the part of the birthmother(s) and we have no time frame as to when we will hear anything.  I will keep you posted, though!  ;)

Thank you so much for all of your prayers.  Some people have asked me how I'm holding up and to be truthful, I have thought about it, but with school being so busy and our trip to Virginia coming so quickly, it hasn't taken over my every thought.  Just praying that God will lead us to the perfect match.

I Heart Faces: Pet Challenge

So, I need a break from thinking about possible adoption stuff, so here's a non-adoption post (well, except for that sentence.)

This week I Heart Faces is having a photo challenge with the pet theme.  I've been looking through these entries for quite some time and I think it's finally time that I start entering.

This is Roscoe, our big dog, also known as Stinky Fart Man and yes, he does answer to that!  We love him, especially since he is our first doggie child.  When we got him as a puppy, he had this adorable pink nose. Now, he's a grown up dog with a black nose, but if you look closely, the pink is still there, just hidden.

You guys must really be.....

...Praying!

I got a call today from Jenn, the lady who works with the adoptive parents at the agency here in Jax.  She was asking if we could drop by our profiles TODAY, because they wanted to be able to show it TONIGHT! (This means that a mother is making a decision and we are one of the choices!)   Of course, I said YES!!!!!!  The only information I have is that she is in Naples, Fl.

Dave dropped them off and was told they were being shipped FedEx to a maternity home.  Since the office is closed right now and I won't know more information right now, I'm assuming that the mother must be staying at this maternity home.

Can I just say WOW?????

What's New

I've been promising updates, so here goes....Four things that are "new".

1.  Our photo profiles arrived.  Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes.  It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted.  We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in.  The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all.  :)  So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency.  That means that we will be active at the agency!  :)  Can't begin to describe how exciting it is.  Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide!  I'm praying that God will provide in 2010!  :)

2.  Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment.  I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations.  My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it.  The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try.  Now, we just have to schedule it.  I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.

It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility.  I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.  Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale,  Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption.  I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.

3.  The biggest news is probably this:  We turned down another baby.  We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July.  Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples.  After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so.  Why did we say no, you might ask?  Well, lots of reasons.  One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered.  Two, the amount of money was out of this world!  Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark.  Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away.  So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?

4.  Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money.  We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money.  Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide!  He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this.  I do know, though, that we have to do our part!  I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!  :)

Thanks for praying for us.  It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!

Picture and Excitement

Still have lots to tell, but since Dave has decided that today is the day to replace our front door, I can't stay on for long.  :)

I am super excited for this family:
http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/2009/12/getting-ready-to-go.html  
I've been following their story and they got the call that they can go pick up their daughter and have her home before Christmas!  They've had a crazy journey and it is very encouraging to hear other's stories of adoption.

I was playing around in Picnik and made our picture look a little more festive and thought I'd share.

Look at what came in the mail today......

Our Photo Profile!!!!!  :)

Profiles, Pressure, Printing, and Bad Dreams

Over this past week, Dave and I have really tried to get our photo profile together for the agency here in Jacksonville.  Basically, until they have the profile in their hands, we can't move forward with the process.  With the agency, when a birth mother is ready to select a family for her baby,  the birth mother is shown profiles of couples that meet her criteria.  We needed ours done to even have the chance to be chosen.

Can I just say that it's really hard to "sell yourself" in the profile?  Dave and I are just not the type of people to toot our own horn.  There is so much pressure on you while creating your profile.  You want it to look nice, because obviously, if it doesn't, you may never been chosen.  It needs to include information about yourselves, your life together, your jobs, pets, house, friends, recommendation letters from friends, and your dear birth mother letter (Ours is a 20 page photo profile.)   It needs to include pictures that make you look friendly and loving, but not ones that make you seem like you're overdoing it.  It's a good idea to have some pictures with children, but too many of those and you look like you're trying too hard.  Needless to say, it's not something you can just sit down and accomplish in one hour.  I think all together, I worked on ours for over 15 hours this week (hence the lack of blogging).  I've gone through picture after picture (and if you know me, we have tons of pictures), trying to find the right ones.  We've written and reworded things a million times.  I've changed picture layouts and tried to make the layout pleasing to the eye.

We finally finished last night.  I got a coupon in my email for 25% off our profile books (we needed three for the agency here in Jax) and was determined to get it done by midnight in order to use the coupon.  I think we officially ordered them around 11:20.  Close, but still with time to spare, right?  :-)  I got an email this morning saying that they have been printed and shipped and should arrive sometime before the beginning of next week.  Once we get them in the mail, we can take them to the agency and we have the opportunity to be chosen.  One step closer to our goal.  I went and got in bed last night and felt like a lot of pressure has been removed.  One more thing could be crossed off on my list.

Then...I went to sleep.  I kept having nightmares that our book was messed up, that the birth mothers hated it, or that we had to start all over again.  Needless to say, it as a night of major tossing and turning and the relief that I had felt last night was gone.  Now, panic had taken over.  I'm just having to remind myself that we did the best we could and we aren't perfect people.  If it's not 100% perfect, if there is one misspelling (even though we checked it a million times), that life will go on.  I am just having to trust God that, now that we've done our part, He can do his, more than what he's already done so far.  It's hard and I'm not going to lie and say the panic is gone, but I just can't worry about it too much.

Well, I've got more to share, but it's time for small groups with the girl teens at our church.  I know that I'm leaving you hanging, but I can't be late!!!  :)

Tons of stuff, too little time

I have quite a few things to blog about, but right now at 11:30, sleep is more important.  I'll try my hardest tomorrow.

Disappointment

Dave and I went to Barnes and Noble last night.  I had gotten a gift card from Allen and Angela (my brother and sister-in-law) and I wanted to get some adoption books.  I find their pregnancy/childcare section and was glad to see five whole packed shelves of books.  I start searching for the adoption books and can't seem to find them anywhere.  I mean, come on, they are a pretty large bookstore and should have a decent amount of

books on adoption.  Can you guess why I was having a hard time locating them???  They only had three books!  Three books, out of five whole shelves of books.  Out of those three, only one of those is a more current adoption book.  I ended up getting this book:

Pretty disappointed in you, Barnes and Noble!  :-(  I wasn't expecting adoption to have it's own section or anything, but I was expecting something more.

Questions Answered

Here are a few questions that I've received that I thought I'd answer.

1.  Are we still trying to have our own biological children?


Yes, of course, we are still "trying", but at this point, that basically means that we are doing nothing to prevent it from happening, as has been the case for the past 5 years (will officially be 5 years this March).  At times, we have done temperature charting, ovulation monitors, and I've been on clomid (a type of medicine that aids in ovulation, was on 50 mg and then 100 mg) for about 6 months of that time period with no results.

2.  Are we going to try any infertility treatments?


Yes and no.

We do plan on trying the IUI procedure once, just to say that we have tried it.  The cost for this procedure is right under $1000.   Basically, they put me on clomid, monitor my egg growth and release, take numerous blood draws, and when the time is right, they would artificially inseminate me through a catheter.  Sounds romantic, right?  haha

We had planned on doing this procedure soon after our appointment at the fertility doctor last November, but because of my gall bladder issues, they wouldn't let us do any of that until that was taken care of.  Right now, we are in the midst of getting that set up.  Due to the fact that things have to be timed exactly right, we didn't want to schedule them on days when we would be gone to Virginia.

We do not, however, have any plans of moving forward after that.  IVF is just too expensive and invasive for us.  It's right for some people, but for us, we would rather use that money to adopt.

3.  Does our insurance cover infertility treatments?


A big fat NO!  Our insurance will cover diagnostic testing, but does not cover a single cent of any infertility treatments.  Not even the clomid. :(

4.  How much does an adoption cost?


Adoption costs all vary depending on what type of adoption you are doing.

International can be pretty expensive, but that is due to the massive amounts of paperwork, called a dossier,  and traveling that you must do.  These can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $30,000 and sometimes more.  Also, there is always the chance that after getting a lot of money into adopting from a certain country, that country will then close the adoption rights and your adoption will fall through.  Some countries will lesson the adoption fee for hard to place children.

Domestic infant adoptions are expensive and can range from $5,000 to $40,000.  I would say the average cost would be around $25,000.  The expenses differ depending on what type of adoption you do.  There are agency adoptions, independent adoptions, attorney adoptions, etc.  The major risk of these would be the birthmother/father deciding after the baby is born to parent the baby.  Also, because most states allow it, the adoptive parents normally have to pay for some living expenses of the birthparents.  If they do change their mind after the baby is born, most of that money is then lost.

Foster care adoptions can cost between $0-$5,000.  Many of these children are hard to place children, meaning children who are older than 8, have siblings, or have medical issues.  With these adoptions, the children normally have lots of emotional issues and there is normally an issue with the parent's rights.  They prefer to place these children with people that are older and have had parenting experience.

5.  What is a home study?


A home study is the first thing you need to do in order to adopt.  It's basically a document which states that you are capable of providing for a child.  For ours, we had to do tons of paperwork, some of which included employers letters stating where we worked, an application, information on our finances, proof of our marriage, birth certificates, and the list goes on.  Also, we had to complete a physical, proving that we didn't have any health conditions keeping us from adopting, we had to have numerous background checks done, we had to have multiple references, we had to sign agreements stating that we had not been arrested for any reason, and numerous of other things .  Dave and I had to complete a paper on our history and reasons for adopting.  These had to be typed and had to answer four pages of questions given to us by our social worker.  When we were finished, Dave's paper was 10 pages long and mine was 12.  Pretty crazy stuff.  We also had our social worker come to our house to make sure our home was suitable for children and we had an interview with her.

Our home study started in late September and was completed the first week in November.  Ours went by pretty quickly due to the fact that we were going to be adopting K's baby is October.

Home study costs can range from about $1000 to $2000.  Ours was a gift from a family here in Florida that has known of our desire to have a family.  We are SOO grateful to them for providing this for us!!!

6.  Did we have to have a baby's room ready for our home study?


No, we did not, and I am very thankful for that.  Yes, I want to get a room together, but having a prepared room and it staying empty would not be much fun.  We do, however, have a few things here at the house in case we get a phone call about a baby that has already been born.  We have an infant car seat, a pack-n-play, a baby bathtub, numerous toys, and a handful of baby outfits.  We have friends that have a crib for us and another family that has a swing ready for us, when the time comes.  We have been blessed by having friends that are willing to give us things for baby VBK.

7.  What wait time are we looking at?


Once we finish up of family profile, our wait time could be anywhere between a couple of weeks to 2 years (or longer).  When adopting through an agency (and most other venues), your name is not just put on a list and you move up a list as babies are placed.  When a birthmother comes in, she is given multiple family profiles and she can decide on one of those.  We will have to be "chosen" in order to adopt so it could take a while.

I hope this has answered some of your questions.  Feel free to email me at jennifervbk@yahoo.com  if you have any more.  :)

I love getting the mail...

...when it contains a good letter from the adoption agency here in Jax.  They have our application, have reviewed it, and we are officially approved!  :)

Questions

I've had a few people ask some questions and thought that before I answered them, I'd see if anyone else has any questions that they might be curious to know about us or about our journey.  I'll wait until Friday for questions and then I'll try to answer them this weekend.

So, ask away!  :)

Cute Shirt

Saw this and loved it!

http://www.adoptionbug.com/02_pp/03WH-adult.htm

Where We Are Now

Thought I'd update you all on where we are now in this journey.

First, we're applying with a local agency here in Jax.  They are a Christian ministry which, because Dave is a minister, allows us to list for free.  We have put in our application, but have a few more papers to sign before it's official.  Once official, we have to turn in a photo profile.  This is a 16 or so page "book" which will be shown to birthmothers that fall into our criteria.  This profile book is not easy and will take a while for us to get together, so basically, once all of that is done, our profile will be available to birth mothers.  We still have to be chosen, so just listing is not a guarantee of adopting.  Once matched with a birthmother, we have to pay a large sum of money, part of the grand fee, and living expenses for the birthmother, as this is legal in the state of Florida.  Once the baby is born, and if the birthmother doesn't decide to parent the baby, we will bring the baby home and have to pay the rest of the fee.  The wait time for this could be 3 months or it could be 3 years.

Second, we have a connection at a local hospital that is keeping an eye open for us for babies that have been born at the hospital, but have been signed over.  This would be awesome, if God so desires for our baby to join our family this way.

Third, our social worker who did our home study, is often (meaning once every couple of weeks) contacted by attorneys and agencies who have a situation.  This is how the February baby and the current baby situation have come to our attention.  She sends us the information and we determine if we want to get more information.

Right now, we are working on our photo profiles, getting information on the possible April baby, and praying that one of these doors is the right one.  :)  Thank you for joining us and praying for us!

It's about time

Well, it's time.  Time for others to know about our adoption plans.

Yes, there are some that know, but there are lots that don't and it's about time that we share what's going on.  Up until now, I've been selective about telling people about our blog, not because I'm ashamed in any way of adopting, but rather because it was all new to us.  It's still new, but I'm becoming more aware everyday of how little most people know about adoption and I hope that through this blog, others can follow our journey and learn about adoption. We don't know where this journey will lead.  Doors have been opened, but at this point, there are so many doors and we're just waiting for God to lead us through one of them.

So, if this is the first time reading my blog, enjoy!  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  :)

Update

Well, I talked with the attorney about the situation that I mentioned in my last blog.
Here's some info that I can share about it.  The birthmom is young and is currently living with her older sister in Southern Florida.  No info on who the father is.  She is 21 weeks along and attorney does not know the gender of the baby.
Basically, the birthmom has already been given some profiles of waiting couples to look at.  If she doesn't like any that she is looking at or wants to see more, the lady I talked with is more than willing to get her our information.  Also, the lady is willing to get our information and let us know of situations opening up in the future if this situation is a no go.

So, where do we stand tonight in this?  Just waiting to hear something.  We're working on putting together a dear birthmother letter and our photo profile.  Fun stuff!

Another Situation

Just got another email from our SW (social worker who did our home study) with another possible situation.  I sent out an email to the attorney, so now, it's a waiting game to see if I get a response and if the situation is still open.  Appears that the birthmom is younger, living with a sibling, and is 21 weeks along.

Okay God, you're opening lots of doors.  Please let one of those doors lead us to our baby.

Infertility Assumptions

I'm going to update you guys this weekend (when I've got some free time on my hands) on where we are in this whole adoption process.  I did, though, want to share this.  Here are some common infertility assumptions that I've come in contact with over the last 5 years.


Infertility Assumptions


1.  People who are infertile do not enjoy being around babies.  
This is not the truth for most of us.  I love babies and baby things.  I enjoy holding and cuddling with babies.  I work in the nursery once a month and will continue.  Yes, there are times when it makes me sad to know that we don't have our own children, but this does not mean that I do not want to talk about babies or skip holding the newborns in our church.

2.  I am jealous of people who are pregnant or have children.
I am not jealous.  To me, being jealous means that I want what they have and I want to take it away from them.  I do desire to be a mother and to have children, but I do not wish for others to have to go through this journey.  I also don't think about how I wish other people weren't so "lucky" when it comes to getting pregnant.   I do, sometimes, get annoyed with the people who constantly complain about being pregnant or how their children make their lives so unhappy.  There are some of us that would do anything to have those "horrible" pregnancy symptoms that you are constantly complaining about.  Be thankful!!!!!!!

3.  Infertile people hate baby showers.
This one kind of goes along with number 1, but is somewhat different.  We do not hate baby showers, but we do hate the fact that by going to them, we are constantly reminded that we have not achieved pregnancy.  We dream about the day when we are the ones opening up the presents instead of always being the one buying the presents.  For me, I hate going because it always brings the question of when we are going to have kids.  This means that I then have to go into the whole infertility talk and have people feel sorry for me.  I don't mind sharing this information, but sometimes, I just want to be normal, too.  

4.  Insurance covers infertility treatments.
For most of us, insurance will not touch any infertility treatments.  For Dave and I, we have our own insurance policy, which we pay and arm and a leg for, and while they will help pay for diagnostic testing, they do not cover ANY of our infertility treatments.  For those of you who have never had to look into infertility treatments, just trust me when I say that they are expensive.  Our 15 minute office visit, not even an exam, with the infertility specialist cost us $300.

5.  We don't want children.
I have had quite a few people who do not know about our issues ask us if we don't want children.  People assume, sometimes, that since we have been married for more than 5 years and don't have children, that we don't want children.  Yes, we want children, but in the future, don't just assume that a couple doesn't want children because they don't have any.  They might just struggle with infertility and asking them this question can be hurtful.

6.  It is easy to adopt.
Often times, when we find out people cannot have children, we tell them that they should adopt, as if all you have to do is sign a paper, head to the hospital, and drive away with a baby.  This is not the case, at all!  I'm hoping that this blog can be used to help others understand that adoption is overwhelming, expensive, and an emotional roller coaster.


  

Application

So, I went after work to drop off the application and the agency was closed.  Went to Walmart to pick up a mailer, determined to get it in the mail ASAP, since I'm not going to have the time to drop it by the rest of the week.  I got it all (application and a copy of our home study) in the envelope, sealed it , and had it ready to be mailed after our supper tonight, and then about 20 minutes later, was reminded by my hubby that I needed to send a current picture of the two of us.  Guess what I left out?  Yep, our picture.  Thankfully, Dave says he's going to run it by the office tomorrow.

(Will tell more about the agency/ministry I'm talking about when I don't have ten thousand more important things to do!  )

Also, here's a blog entry that I enjoyed and that made me laugh!

Application

We finished filling out our application for the agency/ministry here in town!  Planning on dropping it off after work tomorrow.

(Will give more details tomorrow!)

He Made It!!!

Dave finished the marathon today!  Here are two pictures and I will upload more later.

We made it!

Just wanted you all to know that we made it to Virginia!  :)  We showed up just in time for tropical storm Ida!

Home

So, I know that Dave and I have lived in Florida for 3 1/2 years now and technically, this is our home, but "going home" to me is going to my parent's home and Dave's parent's home.  We leave on Wednesday and start our crazy trip for Dave's marathon.  We're staying in a different house each night and driving somewhere each day of our trip.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I'm very excited to see everyone, especially since we haven't been in Virginia since last Thanksgiving.  Now, I just need to pack and clean and get stuff ready for my substitute and ......... (This list goes on and on.)  I just pray that I can get it all accomplished by Wednesday at 8.

Pray for us as we travel and for Dave as he runs the marathon.  He's nervous, but excited.  :)  Also, pray for us as I'm sure there will be baby talk, especially with Dave's sister being pregnant, and I just don't want to be too emotional and struggle to contain my tears.

On a lighter note, I think that I haven't posted a picture of both of us on here before and since some of you have never met us, I thought now would be a perfect time.

Prayers Needed

If you can, will you please lift up the Woolard and Mouldin family in your prayers?  Kelly and Eric Woolard went to college with us and after getting married, they struggled with infertility.  After a couple rounds of IVF, they got pregnant with twins.  Just this Thursday, the twins, Luke and Macey, were born early at 28 weeks.  We found out today that Luke died last night and Macey still has a long road, but seems to be a fighter.

My heart breaks for them.

MAIL

So, I got home today (I worked extended and it was dark when I got home.  :(  yuck) and guess what had come in the mail?????

OUR COMPLETED AND NOTARIZED HOMESTUDY!!!!!!

It's official:

THE VBKS ARE OFFICIALLY PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!

Would it be wrong???

Would it be wrong to ask for money for our adoption/infertility instead of presents this year for Christmas?  I have more than I could ever really need in most areas of my life, but could really use the money to get/achieve something that I desire more than anything in the world.

More than you want to know

I know this may be more than you want, or care, to know, but I totally cried today while on the phone.  I am just overwhelmed by all that is going on.

Basically, within the last few days, we got an email from the SW about the February baby which opened the situation back up to us.  So, we then had to figure out what we wanted to do.

I tried to call the attorney today to get more information since we have lots of questions, but they have already spoken with a couple that is most likely going to follow through with this Feb. baby.  We will know by Friday whether they are a go or not.  I'm okay with this, but at the same time, it's another closed door, and this time, we weren't the ones to close it.

I then called an adoption agency here in Jax and an adoption ministry that is nationwide.  I can't begin to describe the fears and tears that came because of these calls.  Yes, they were both very encouraging, but man, these decisions we are making are huge.  Both are Christian related and it's nice to talk to people that believe that God is involved in all of this, but if you have never had to look into adoption, then you have no idea what all in entails.  We're talking thousands of dollars, thousands and thousands of dollars, thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I'm hoping to blog about this soon, but I will say this:  ADOPTION IS NOT CHEAP IN ANY WAY!

God, please use this blog as a comfort to others going through this process, but also as an eye opener to those who have never had to think about looking for an adoption agency, those who have never waited for a long time for those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  Please let my words open their hearts and minds to understand that saying the words "Well, why don't you just adopt?" are horrible words to say if they do not know the truth about adoption.

It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Saying NO and Paper Pregnant

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February.  When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt.  Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no.  It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama.  Oh, how I just want to say yes!

In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!!  We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".

Prayers Needed

OH...I need your prayers.  I've got so much to say and post on the blog, but just now, I got an email about a possible adoption situation.  (And no, it does not involve baby A)  Can I just say WOW???????  Please pray!  Can't give any information at the moment.

Baby A has arrived

Baby A was born 10/22/09 at 2:40 a.m. and weighed in at 7 lbs 4 oz.  :-)  She's healthy, doing GREAT, and is beautiful.  While she won't be my daughter, this little girl holds a special place in my heart.

K's In Labor

Talked with K tonight and...she's officially in labor.  It won't be long before baby A is here!

I have so much to say about all of this, but due to not getting home until after 10 tonight, it's going to have to wait till later.  (Not tomorrow, since tomorrow is another super late work night.)

Before I go and get my things together for tomorrow, I thought I'd leave you all with a link to a blog that was very encouraging today.

http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-opportunity-failure-to-peace.html

The big day

If you could, please pray for K today.  We were just texting and it's the big day, her due date, and even though baby A hasn't made her arrival (or really shown any signs on coming soon), she's getting pretty nervous about it.

Lots more to write about on the blog, but with the beautiful weather, I'll save it for another time.

Disclaimer

While resting in bed last night, I decided that I should probably put this up here:

The last blog entry is not about one specific person or situation, but rather the events that have taken place in the five years of waiting for "our day" to come.  I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but my only intention is to speak the truth about how I feel as we travel this journey.  This blog has become a good outlet for me and a great way for me to express some of the feelings that I don't often talk about and keep inside.

Thankful Thoughts and Heart Groans

Just a few updates and thoughts:

I am thankful for something that has caused me a lot of pain and suffering.  I am thankful that we have had to deal with the horrible reality of infertility.  Yes, I have cried many tears over this issue, felt empty inside, felt out of place at a kid's events, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy, but truthfully, it's made me a stronger person and one who will be, hopefully, very considerate when that day comes for us when we get to add to our family.

Dave and I were talking on the way home tonight about pregnancies and how people announce and react to them.  For us, finding out that someone else is pregnant is kind of sad.  Yes, we are very excited for them and want the best, but at the same time, it's hard.  We wonder why it can't be us.  People tell us that God knows best and that we just have to wait for his timing, but until you've been in our shoes, you have NO IDEA how empty those words are.  We do believe that God has a plan,  but if you've never had to wait longer than a year or even six months for those two blessed lines on a pregnancy test or for that sweet moment when your child takes their first breathe, I dare say that you know little of what we deal with on almost an everyday basis.

Along those same lines, hearing people complain about their pregnancies starts to irritate me.  I try to be patient, but here's the thing.  To me, complaining about your pregnancy woes is like a rich man complaining about his four story house and awesome job to a man who is losing their house because they've lost their job.  If you were the first man, would you sit around and talk about your things and not feel any compassion at all on the poor man?  Would you complain about how you have to go to work everyday and deal with cleaning your pool?  I would hope that you would be considerate and think about how that other person feels.  Does that make any sense?

Now, do you need to hide your pregnancy from us (people who struggle getting pregnant) and pretend that nothing is going on?  No, that can be just as hurtful, but at the same time, all I ask is that the next time you're around someone who is struggling, think about how you complaining about having morning sickness or a sore back makes them feel.  I bet they would die to have to deal with an upset stomach and a hurt back.

Okay....now that I've stood on my soap box for long enough........The birth mom, K, is due this Saturday.  I've emailed and chatted with her.  She's pretty scared of the whole labor thing and I would be, too.  She's still planning on keeping the baby, A, and she and M have taken a few classes.  Just, if you get a chance, say a prayer for K and M, and baby A.  As much as I would love to welcome baby A into our family, I have to realize that God is in control and He needed us in this situation to show K God's love.

I did mail K the baby outfit and stuffed animal that we bought soon after finding out that it was a girl.  I just needed her to know that we love this baby no matter what.  She sent me a thank you note and was very excited to get it in the mail.  We've even talked about meeting face to face in November when we got home for Dave's marathon.  :-)

Thanks for all of your prayers.

ONCE Upon A Time (Part 3)

So, where were we???  :-)

My parents had shown up at church and we decided to go out to lunch with them at Olive Garden.  They went ahead on over to the restaurant and got us a table while we finished up some stuff at church.  On the drive over, I felt like throwing up.  It's an exciting time, but for me, telling my parents that we were pregnant just made me feel sick to my stomach.  I knew they would be excited, but again, we had told them that it would be at least 5 years before we started having kids.

We got there, found their table, and sat down.  I'm sitting there looking at the menu, feeling like puking, and I can't even begin to try to focus on deciding what I wanted to order.  I finally told them that I had something to tell them and I needed to get it out because I felt like I was going to be sick if I didn't.  I told them and they didn't know what to say.  My sister's reaction was full of excitement over the fact that she was going to be an aunt.  (She was 11 at the time, I think.)  My brother likes to describe my dad's reaction.  He said it was as if my dad had swallowed an entire Olive Garden breadstick whole.  After the initial shock, they started to warm up to the idea, asking us questions and finding out more information.  I will just never forget that moment of complete and utter shock on my mom and dad's faces.  It makes me smile and laugh to think about it today and we still talk about it sometimes when we're all together.  There is always laughter involved when discussing that day.

Soon after telling my parents, we told Dave's parents and Grandma when they were at our house.  They were shocked, but very excited and I remember that Beth and Joe were there, but in the other room playing with Roscoe, our pup.  Debbie (Dave's mom) asked Uncle Joe and Aunt Beth to come into the room and they did, not knowing that her words had a meaning behind them.  They were super excited for us.

I also remember telling my Grandma and Grandpa at Christmas that year.  My mom had written a sweet card that contained a little poem in it, basically saying that a baby would be joining our family before the next Christmas.  I remember watching my Grandma's face as she's reading it, trying to figure out what it meant and when she did, she showed my Grandaddy.  Everyone was so excited for us.

That Christmas, when we celebrated with my dad's side of the family, it was a sad year.  My cousin, Ryan, had been killed in an automobile accident that April.  It was our first Christmas without him and we even had the get together at my house to make things easier.  We had been sitting around talking about Ryan and my aunt had a song for us all to listen to.  After the song, it seemed like a perfect time to let everyone know that we were expecting.  I even called my cousin Beth, who wasn't able to be with us that year, to tell her the news.  Good times.

These are all memories that I will never forget.  It was such a time of excitement and joy.  Yes, we were overwhelmed, especially since we had been told that it could take us six months to get pregnant and it had taken one month, but still, the thoughts of starting our own family were so exciting.    Little did we know that in just a few short weeks, we would be sharing some sad news that will forever.

Up next...our insurance drama.  Gotta love insurance companies, right???

Home study update

Just wanted to let you all know that we are SOOO close to having our home study completed.  We've only got 5 small things to turn in and then all the paperwork has been competed.  Pretty exciting stuff.

Once Upon A Time (Part 2)

We saw two pink lines!  I remember that I was wearing a pink sweater and standing in our small bathroom in our Virginia house.  It was hard to believe that it was real, especially since we weren't trying and hadn't expected to get pregnant.  When we went off birth control, we had been told that it would probably take about 6 months for the medicine to get out of my system, so we were pretty stunned.

It started to sink in little by little.  We wanted to tell our parents first, but man, thinking about telling them made me so nervous.  I guess I just didn't know what they would say or think.  On one Sunday, my parents showed up at the church where Dave was currently working.  One of the families had made us a blanket (adult sized) and they made us open the gift in front of the church family.  When we pulled it out of the box, the way it was folded made it look like a baby blanket.  One of the elders made the comment about it actually being a baby blanket and my mom stood up and said that there was no way that was possible.  Little did she know!

(To be continued tomorrow....)

Question

So, while I just don't have the energy to update with more of our story tonight, (Sorry Melody), I do have a question for those of you who actually read this.

Right after we found out that this baby is a girl, we were walking around Target and I saw a cute outfit on clearance.  I couldn't help myself and so, I bought it, dreaming of this little girl wearing it.  While I could keep it, in hopes of one day having a child to wear it, I kind of want to send it to the birth mom.  In my mind, it belongs to this little girl, getting ready to be welcomed into the world in just a few short weeks.  What is your opinion?

Once Upon A Time (Part 1)

I know most of your guys know our story and how we even came to the point that we are interested in adoption, but some of you don't.  So, I thought I'd blog about it, a little bit at a time.

Once Upon A Time.....

Dave and I got married in June of 2003.  I had gone on birth control before our wedding because we didn't want a honeymoon baby or any early marriage surprise.  We wanted kids, but we wanted to wait a while before we started our family.  We even told everyone in our family that we would be married for five years before we started having kids.  Yeah, that was a joke.

After our first Christmas together with just the two of us, I knew that there was no way that we were waiting five years.  I was already getting the "baby itch".   At my yearly doctor's appointment that next October of 2004, I mentioned to the doctor that we wanted to start trying and that we were going to go off of the pill.  So, she wished us well, gave me tons of information, recommended that I start prenatal vitamins, and I left the office with a huge smile on my face.  I knew that it could take a while, one of the reasons that we wanted to go ahead and start trying, but I just knew that babies were in our near future.  I had no idea that just a little over a month later, I would take a test and see not one pink line, but two.

(To be continued.....)

A EXCELLENT Article

Here's a blog that I read that describes a lot of how this whole adoption thing feels.

http://alwaysandforeverfamily.blogspot.com/2009/09/dont-miss-boat.html

Holidays and Encouragement

So, while I'm still at peace with all of this, I was a little sad tonight.
We were driving home from having supper with friends for Dave's birthday and we were talking about his marathon in November.  We then started talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas plans and if we'll be able to go home to Virginia during that time.
This, of course, got me thinking about the fact that after we got the news that we were going to get this baby, that I was excited about Christmas.  Ever since our miscarriage, Christmas has been bittersweet for me.  Yes, I love spending time with family and being in the Christmas spirit (if that's possible when it's warm outside), but at the same time, it's just another reminder that it's just the two of us.  It's kind of sad and lonely.  When everyone rushes home after Christmas Eve service to get their kids in bed so that Santa can come, we go home to our quiet house, just the two of us and our pups.  Now, I know that someday, somehow, that we will have a Christmas spent with VBK kids, full of excitement and smiles,  but I was just hoping that those lonely Christmas holidays were long gone.

On a much, much, lighter note, here's a blog that I thought you guys might enjoy.  It's been a big encouragement to me, especially here recently.  http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/

Home Visit

So, after tons of facebook messages, texts, and phone calls, I decided to start a blog to keep everyone informed. :-)

Just wanted to let you all know that our home visit part of our home study was today and it was quick and easy. She basically took a 10 second tour (not exaggerating) of our house and then sat down and talked with us for about 30 minutes. Very informal and very easy. We still have paperwork to finish and background checks to complete, but once we get that done, she will type up our home study and we will be done with this part of our journey.

As of right now, the opportunity to adopt the baby girl is pretty much a no go. The birth mom knows that we are still interested and that we are here if she decides differently, but at this point, she's decided to keep the baby. Dave and I are at peace with this and we are very thankful to know before we got lawyers involved.

Right now, we're just getting the home study done, we might try some fertility stuff, and then look into adoption more if that doesn't work. The home study lady will pass information to us if a baby "become available" after our home study has gone through. We'll also have the opportunity to send information to lawyers and agencies, if we wish, and that could open doors. Right now, we're not sure where God is leading us, but we're open to starting our family however God sees fit.

As the home study lady said today, "With adoption, it's not if you get a baby, it's when." Thanks for all of your prayers.