As you may have noticed, the blog has been kind of quiet lately, part of that is due to the busy season that we've had. We recently had a trip to Florida, a birthday, and now Easter is quickly approaching.
Another reason that I've been kinda quiet is because I was really unsure as to what to do next when it comes to another adoption.
I know that we need a homestudy, no matter which route we take, but beyond that, I was honestly torn. I would love to have another infant, another baby that we bring home from the hospital. I love the newborn snuggle stage and from our experience with Nate, we know how "easy" it is to bond and feel like normal parents. While all of those things are wonderful, I worry about moving forward with another private adoption. I feel like we got so lucky with Nate's situation. Everything went so smoothly and I worry that our next experience would not be that way. On top of that, the money is a big issue. We don't have $20,000-$30,000 to put towards another adoption.
While watching the fireworks at Disney, I looked over at Nate and it hit me. While I would love to adopt another baby, my heart really wants to adopt out of foster care, even if that means that our next child will be older when he/she comes home. This trip to Disney was his third trip in three years! He is so spoiled and loved and I can't imagine what his life would be like if he were in foster care. It's hard for me to justify spending a ton of money on an infant when there are children waiting for a Mommy and a Daddy. They may grow up without ever experiencing stability and a place to call home.
As the realization hit me that night, I got scared, mainly because I didn't know if Dave would be on board. I worried that this was something that was on my heart and mind, yet not on his. I held onto this realization for a while before expressing it to him. I needed time to think about it and prepare myself for his reaction.
When I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about it this week, I was pleasantly surprised that he's okay with it as long as we stick to our original plan and adopt a child younger than Nate. That might mean that our wait time is long, but we're both okay with that.
Got might surprise us and "drop a baby in our laps" through private adoption, but at the moment, I think we're ready to really open the door to adopting out of foster care. :)
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Realistic Excitement
I am so very excited about starting this adoption process, but unlike our last journey, I am trying my best to be realistic. Yes, I am ready to add to our family, but having Nate makes the wait easier to deal with. We have a lot to do before we're ready to bring another child into the family and I don't want to let my heart get too far ahead of my head.
I haven't made any more calls since I made the last post. I have plans to call Hampton Social Services (when I called earlier, they had just closed) and I look forward to what they are able to tell me. Most of the agencies that I did call will provide a home study if you join their agency. I'm just not sure that is something that we want to do. Why? If we do join an agency, most of them require a large sum of money up front and then that money is tied up into that agency. That is all well and good if you do adopt from that agency, but if we were to "find a baby" from another agency or attorney, we lose the money that we put into the agency. Just one of the many decisions that we will have to make in the following months.
**We "found" Nate through a connection with a friend and ended up not going with the agency were were using.**
I know there are some blog followers that are just joining us and I wanted to include this blog link for anyone that wanted information about what a home study entails: http://home-study.adoption.com/nuts.php While it is much more complicated than what is posted here, this will give you some idea of what we will have to do in order to be ready if a situation comes along.
Again, thank you so much for your support and prayers.
I haven't made any more calls since I made the last post. I have plans to call Hampton Social Services (when I called earlier, they had just closed) and I look forward to what they are able to tell me. Most of the agencies that I did call will provide a home study if you join their agency. I'm just not sure that is something that we want to do. Why? If we do join an agency, most of them require a large sum of money up front and then that money is tied up into that agency. That is all well and good if you do adopt from that agency, but if we were to "find a baby" from another agency or attorney, we lose the money that we put into the agency. Just one of the many decisions that we will have to make in the following months.
**We "found" Nate through a connection with a friend and ended up not going with the agency were were using.**
I know there are some blog followers that are just joining us and I wanted to include this blog link for anyone that wanted information about what a home study entails: http://home-study.adoption.com/nuts.php While it is much more complicated than what is posted here, this will give you some idea of what we will have to do in order to be ready if a situation comes along.
Again, thank you so much for your support and prayers.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Your Big Day
Dear Sweet Big Boy,
Today is going to be a big day for you. In about 8 hours, you and I are going to get into the car and drive to school for your first day of preschool. Your little backpack is ready and your clothes are sitting on your dresser waiting for you when you wake up. It's hard to believe that the time has come.
I'll be honest with you and tell you that my heart is a little sad. I know that you are ready for school, there's not a doubt in my mind, but tonight, when I went in to check on you, all I could think about was that first night I spent with you in the hospital.
I remember holding you and watching you sleep, kissing your nose and telling you how much I already loved you. You were so handsome and perfect and so very little. You needed me and to be quite honest, I needed you. You are our son, the child that God chose just for us. You have made us both so happy.
We've watched you grow and rejoiced with you over the milestones you've accomplished. We've cheered you on as you started to crawl and when you took your first steps. We have smiled and laughed as we've watched you go from a little tiny 7 pound baby to a crazy and wild 2 1/2 year old. Now, the time has come for us to cheer you on again as you tackle your next big milestone, your first day of school.
Even though you'll be right down the hall from me, I'm going to miss you being my little shadow. I'm going to miss spending my days with you, miss seeing your smile, and I'll even miss you asking me to play cars with you, something you ask us about 100 times each day.
I hope that you have fun in your new class, that you make new friends, and please, please, please listen and obey your teacher. I know that this new routine is going to take some time to get used to, especially when you realize that you'll be taking a nap with your new classmates, but I know that before long, you'll be singing new songs that you've learned and telling me about all the things that you've done in your new classroom.
I guess my heart hurts, too, because I know that someday, you'll grow up like your weekend brother Perry and you'll not only be heading off to preschool, but to college. Your first day of school tomorrow is just another reminder that they day is coming. Just remember that no matter what, you'll always be my little baby. I love you, Nathan Gregory. Have a great first day of school. Your daddy and I are so proud of the little boy that you've become.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby, you'll be.
Love,
Mommy
Today is going to be a big day for you. In about 8 hours, you and I are going to get into the car and drive to school for your first day of preschool. Your little backpack is ready and your clothes are sitting on your dresser waiting for you when you wake up. It's hard to believe that the time has come.
I'll be honest with you and tell you that my heart is a little sad. I know that you are ready for school, there's not a doubt in my mind, but tonight, when I went in to check on you, all I could think about was that first night I spent with you in the hospital.
I remember holding you and watching you sleep, kissing your nose and telling you how much I already loved you. You were so handsome and perfect and so very little. You needed me and to be quite honest, I needed you. You are our son, the child that God chose just for us. You have made us both so happy.
We've watched you grow and rejoiced with you over the milestones you've accomplished. We've cheered you on as you started to crawl and when you took your first steps. We have smiled and laughed as we've watched you go from a little tiny 7 pound baby to a crazy and wild 2 1/2 year old. Now, the time has come for us to cheer you on again as you tackle your next big milestone, your first day of school.
Even though you'll be right down the hall from me, I'm going to miss you being my little shadow. I'm going to miss spending my days with you, miss seeing your smile, and I'll even miss you asking me to play cars with you, something you ask us about 100 times each day.
I hope that you have fun in your new class, that you make new friends, and please, please, please listen and obey your teacher. I know that this new routine is going to take some time to get used to, especially when you realize that you'll be taking a nap with your new classmates, but I know that before long, you'll be singing new songs that you've learned and telling me about all the things that you've done in your new classroom.
I guess my heart hurts, too, because I know that someday, you'll grow up like your weekend brother Perry and you'll not only be heading off to preschool, but to college. Your first day of school tomorrow is just another reminder that they day is coming. Just remember that no matter what, you'll always be my little baby. I love you, Nathan Gregory. Have a great first day of school. Your daddy and I are so proud of the little boy that you've become.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby, you'll be.
Love,
Mommy
Monday, March 19, 2012
2 Years
Two years ago, on March 19, 2010, your Daddy and I got up early and headed to the hospital. I had barely slept the night before, but that didn't matter. I was so anxious to see you, to hold you, to kiss your sweet cheeks.
We met your birthmother, Joy, there and before we knew it, Daddy and I were alone, waiting for your arrival. My heart was racing as I tried to soak in every little detail about that morning, knowing that it would be something that I would want to treasure forever.
I stood in the OR recovery area with my ear pressed against the door and listened to your sweet cries as you entered this world at 10:04. Minutes later, you were wheeled into the room and I laid my eyes on you, my son, for the first time. You were so handsome and tiny. My arms ached to hold you, to whisper in your ear that I loved you.
We stood at the window to the nursery and watched you get your first bath and get checked by the doctors and nurses. I couldn't help smiling, knowing that you were finally here. We made phone call after phone call, spreading the news about your birth to family and friends. Your Trish even brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts to celebrate your birthday.
And then the time came when you were ready to go to Joy's room, time when we could finally hold you and love on you. I was the first one to pick you up and I felt like my heart would burst with love for you. Watching your daddy hold you for the first time was the sweetest moment ever. He's never been much of a baby man, but holding you, his son, just came naturally. We spent a few hours with you and your birthfamily, all of us amazed at how handsome and perfect you were. We took turns holding you and snuggling with you. The love we all had for you filled the room.
Daddy took me home to get a few things and then he took me back to the hospital. I got to spend that first night with you and Joy in the hospital room, just the three of us. We loved on you, taking turns cuddling with you. We talked about you, sharing our hopes and dreams for your future, and we marveled over how small you were and how gorgeous your chocolate eyes were. We counted your toes and fingers and wondered if your hair would be curly or straight. After Joy fell asleep, I put you in the bed with me and I just stared at you, feeling like I needed to pinch myself to remind myself that this wasn't a dream. I felt like the luckiest mommy in the whole world.
And you know what, Tater? Ever since that day, two years ago, you have filled our lives with so much joy and love. You are the child that we longed for, the one we hoped and prayed for. God answered our prayers and brought us together to be a family. I am thankful for the miscarriage and the years of infertility because without them, you wouldn't be our son and that thought breaks my heart. God used those things to give us you. You will never have red hair like Daddy or green eyes like me, but that's not important. What is important is that you have had our hearts from the very beginning. You are our son and always will be.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always;
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
I love you, Tater. Happy Second Birthday!
Love,
Mommy
Friday, February 24, 2012
My God Is So Big
Most nights, when it's time for Tater to go to sleep, he will ask us to rock him and while rocking him, he'll ask us to sing. It's the cutest thing ever. Dave has a few songs that he always sings to him, but I like to change it up. Some nights, I sing hymns, other nights I'll sing praise choruses, and then sometimes, I'll pick a childhood song like Skidamarink.
Last night as I was rocking him for a few minutes before putting him in his crib, this simple song that we used to sing in Children's Church instantly came to mind.
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
The mountains are his
The rivers are his
The skies are his handy works too
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
As I was singing it, I couldn't help but look at my little guy and remember just how true that song is. With Him, all things are possible. Because of Him, I am now a mommy, something that seemed impossible at times.
There are many times that I worry about what the future holds. I wonder if we'll ever be able to adopt again, if I'll ever want to adopt again (more on that later), if Tater is meant to be an only child. Singing that simple song to Tater last night brought tears to my eyes because it was a reminder to me of all that He has already done and the fact that I can put my trust in Him for my future, no matter what it holds.
I just have to remember that even when things feel impossible and I'm discouraged, that my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, and there's nothing my God cannot do.
Last night as I was rocking him for a few minutes before putting him in his crib, this simple song that we used to sing in Children's Church instantly came to mind.
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
The mountains are his
The rivers are his
The skies are his handy works too
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
As I was singing it, I couldn't help but look at my little guy and remember just how true that song is. With Him, all things are possible. Because of Him, I am now a mommy, something that seemed impossible at times.
There are many times that I worry about what the future holds. I wonder if we'll ever be able to adopt again, if I'll ever want to adopt again (more on that later), if Tater is meant to be an only child. Singing that simple song to Tater last night brought tears to my eyes because it was a reminder to me of all that He has already done and the fact that I can put my trust in Him for my future, no matter what it holds.
I just have to remember that even when things feel impossible and I'm discouraged, that my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, and there's nothing my God cannot do.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
What's New
I've been promising updates, so here goes....Four things that are "new".
1. Our photo profiles arrived. Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes. It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted. We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in. The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all. :) So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency. That means that we will be active at the agency! :) Can't begin to describe how exciting it is. Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide! I'm praying that God will provide in 2010! :)
2. Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment. I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations. My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it. The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try. Now, we just have to schedule it. I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.
It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility. I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth. Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale, Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption. I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.
3. The biggest news is probably this: We turned down another baby. We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July. Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples. After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so. Why did we say no, you might ask? Well, lots of reasons. One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered. Two, the amount of money was out of this world! Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark. Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away. So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?
4. Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money. We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money. Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide! He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this. I do know, though, that we have to do our part! I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them! :)
Thanks for praying for us. It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!
1. Our photo profiles arrived. Most of your already know this, since you've seen our previous blog post, but we found some mistakes. It was nothing major, just a few things, but knowing that this is what a mother would be looking at when trying to decide if we should be the parents for her child, we decided to fix the errors and have them reprinted. We are, however, going to turn in the ones we got until the others come in. The new ones have been ordered, so it shouldn't take long at all. :) So, if all works out, tomorrow Dave will run them by, and our profiles will be at the agency. That means that we will be active at the agency! :) Can't begin to describe how exciting it is. Yes, I know that I must be realistic and know our wait could be forever, but I'm trying to put faith that God will provide! I'm praying that God will provide in 2010! :)
2. Two weeks ago, I went to my normal annual doctor's appointment. I brought up some symptoms that I'm having and asked about the possibility of endometriosis, something my mom and I had talked about in previous conversations. My doctor told me to see our fertility doctor and talk with him about it. The only way to diagnose it would be a laparoscopy, which I am not looking forward to, but we're willing to try. Now, we just have to schedule it. I've tried calling a few times, but it seems that their lunch break falls at the same time as my break at school.
It's funny, because the few people I've told have then proceeded to tell me that maybe this will be the answer to our infertility. I won't lie-getting pregnant would be awesome, but my heart is so set on this adoption stuff, that it would almost be disappointing at the same time. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth. Yes, I would love a strawberry blonde, very pale, Dave/Jennifer running around more than anything, but I also would love a kid that didn't look like me running around as well, knowing that God has been glorified through adding to our family through adoption. I know this doesn't make much sense, and to some extent, it doesn't make sense to me either, but it's the truth.
3. The biggest news is probably this: We turned down another baby. We got an email about two weeks ago about a possible baby due to be born in July. Now, don't get carried away: The mother hadn't chosen us or anything, but we got asked if we wanted the mother to see our information along with other couples. After finding out more information, we said no, but it breaks my heart to do so. Why did we say no, you might ask? Well, lots of reasons. One, our profile wasn't done at the moment and they needed it asap if we wanted to be considered. Two, the amount of money was out of this world! Let's just say it's around the $40,000 mark. Three, the baby was going to be born in Nevada, making the expenses higher, due to travel, and more red tape, due to it being so far away. So, another baby closer to our VBK baby, right?
4. Now that our profiles are ready, it's time for the next big step: The money. We've got to decide on how to go about getting this large sum of money. Just pray that we'll make smart choices and that God will provide! He has so far, so I'm not going to doubt Him when it comes to this. I do know, though, that we have to do our part! I'm already cooking up ideas on ways to have something like a fundraiser. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them! :)
Thanks for praying for us. It's awesome to know that people, even some who don't know us personally, are praying for Baby VBK!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Profiles, Pressure, Printing, and Bad Dreams
Over this past week, Dave and I have really tried to get our photo profile together for the agency here in Jacksonville. Basically, until they have the profile in their hands, we can't move forward with the process. With the agency, when a birth mother is ready to select a family for her baby, the birth mother is shown profiles of couples that meet her criteria. We needed ours done to even have the chance to be chosen.
Can I just say that it's really hard to "sell yourself" in the profile? Dave and I are just not the type of people to toot our own horn. There is so much pressure on you while creating your profile. You want it to look nice, because obviously, if it doesn't, you may never been chosen. It needs to include information about yourselves, your life together, your jobs, pets, house, friends, recommendation letters from friends, and your dear birth mother letter (Ours is a 20 page photo profile.) It needs to include pictures that make you look friendly and loving, but not ones that make you seem like you're overdoing it. It's a good idea to have some pictures with children, but too many of those and you look like you're trying too hard. Needless to say, it's not something you can just sit down and accomplish in one hour. I think all together, I worked on ours for over 15 hours this week (hence the lack of blogging). I've gone through picture after picture (and if you know me, we have tons of pictures), trying to find the right ones. We've written and reworded things a million times. I've changed picture layouts and tried to make the layout pleasing to the eye.
We finally finished last night. I got a coupon in my email for 25% off our profile books (we needed three for the agency here in Jax) and was determined to get it done by midnight in order to use the coupon. I think we officially ordered them around 11:20. Close, but still with time to spare, right? :-) I got an email this morning saying that they have been printed and shipped and should arrive sometime before the beginning of next week. Once we get them in the mail, we can take them to the agency and we have the opportunity to be chosen. One step closer to our goal. I went and got in bed last night and felt like a lot of pressure has been removed. One more thing could be crossed off on my list.
Then...I went to sleep. I kept having nightmares that our book was messed up, that the birth mothers hated it, or that we had to start all over again. Needless to say, it as a night of major tossing and turning and the relief that I had felt last night was gone. Now, panic had taken over. I'm just having to remind myself that we did the best we could and we aren't perfect people. If it's not 100% perfect, if there is one misspelling (even though we checked it a million times), that life will go on. I am just having to trust God that, now that we've done our part, He can do his, more than what he's already done so far. It's hard and I'm not going to lie and say the panic is gone, but I just can't worry about it too much.
Well, I've got more to share, but it's time for small groups with the girl teens at our church. I know that I'm leaving you hanging, but I can't be late!!! :)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
It's about time
Well, it's time. Time for others to know about our adoption plans.
Yes, there are some that know, but there are lots that don't and it's about time that we share what's going on. Up until now, I've been selective about telling people about our blog, not because I'm ashamed in any way of adopting, but rather because it was all new to us. It's still new, but I'm becoming more aware everyday of how little most people know about adoption and I hope that through this blog, others can follow our journey and learn about adoption. We don't know where this journey will lead. Doors have been opened, but at this point, there are so many doors and we're just waiting for God to lead us through one of them.
So, if this is the first time reading my blog, enjoy! Sit back and enjoy the ride. :)
Yes, there are some that know, but there are lots that don't and it's about time that we share what's going on. Up until now, I've been selective about telling people about our blog, not because I'm ashamed in any way of adopting, but rather because it was all new to us. It's still new, but I'm becoming more aware everyday of how little most people know about adoption and I hope that through this blog, others can follow our journey and learn about adoption. We don't know where this journey will lead. Doors have been opened, but at this point, there are so many doors and we're just waiting for God to lead us through one of them.
So, if this is the first time reading my blog, enjoy! Sit back and enjoy the ride. :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Infertility Assumptions
I'm going to update you guys this weekend (when I've got some free time on my hands) on where we are in this whole adoption process. I did, though, want to share this. Here are some common infertility assumptions that I've come in contact with over the last 5 years.
Infertility Assumptions
1. People who are infertile do not enjoy being around babies.
This is not the truth for most of us. I love babies and baby things. I enjoy holding and cuddling with babies. I work in the nursery once a month and will continue. Yes, there are times when it makes me sad to know that we don't have our own children, but this does not mean that I do not want to talk about babies or skip holding the newborns in our church.
2. I am jealous of people who are pregnant or have children.
I am not jealous. To me, being jealous means that I want what they have and I want to take it away from them. I do desire to be a mother and to have children, but I do not wish for others to have to go through this journey. I also don't think about how I wish other people weren't so "lucky" when it comes to getting pregnant. I do, sometimes, get annoyed with the people who constantly complain about being pregnant or how their children make their lives so unhappy. There are some of us that would do anything to have those "horrible" pregnancy symptoms that you are constantly complaining about. Be thankful!!!!!!!
3. Infertile people hate baby showers.
This one kind of goes along with number 1, but is somewhat different. We do not hate baby showers, but we do hate the fact that by going to them, we are constantly reminded that we have not achieved pregnancy. We dream about the day when we are the ones opening up the presents instead of always being the one buying the presents. For me, I hate going because it always brings the question of when we are going to have kids. This means that I then have to go into the whole infertility talk and have people feel sorry for me. I don't mind sharing this information, but sometimes, I just want to be normal, too.
4. Insurance covers infertility treatments.
For most of us, insurance will not touch any infertility treatments. For Dave and I, we have our own insurance policy, which we pay and arm and a leg for, and while they will help pay for diagnostic testing, they do not cover ANY of our infertility treatments. For those of you who have never had to look into infertility treatments, just trust me when I say that they are expensive. Our 15 minute office visit, not even an exam, with the infertility specialist cost us $300.
5. We don't want children.
I have had quite a few people who do not know about our issues ask us if we don't want children. People assume, sometimes, that since we have been married for more than 5 years and don't have children, that we don't want children. Yes, we want children, but in the future, don't just assume that a couple doesn't want children because they don't have any. They might just struggle with infertility and asking them this question can be hurtful.
6. It is easy to adopt.
Often times, when we find out people cannot have children, we tell them that they should adopt, as if all you have to do is sign a paper, head to the hospital, and drive away with a baby. This is not the case, at all! I'm hoping that this blog can be used to help others understand that adoption is overwhelming, expensive, and an emotional roller coaster.
Infertility Assumptions
1. People who are infertile do not enjoy being around babies.
This is not the truth for most of us. I love babies and baby things. I enjoy holding and cuddling with babies. I work in the nursery once a month and will continue. Yes, there are times when it makes me sad to know that we don't have our own children, but this does not mean that I do not want to talk about babies or skip holding the newborns in our church.
2. I am jealous of people who are pregnant or have children.
I am not jealous. To me, being jealous means that I want what they have and I want to take it away from them. I do desire to be a mother and to have children, but I do not wish for others to have to go through this journey. I also don't think about how I wish other people weren't so "lucky" when it comes to getting pregnant. I do, sometimes, get annoyed with the people who constantly complain about being pregnant or how their children make their lives so unhappy. There are some of us that would do anything to have those "horrible" pregnancy symptoms that you are constantly complaining about. Be thankful!!!!!!!
3. Infertile people hate baby showers.
This one kind of goes along with number 1, but is somewhat different. We do not hate baby showers, but we do hate the fact that by going to them, we are constantly reminded that we have not achieved pregnancy. We dream about the day when we are the ones opening up the presents instead of always being the one buying the presents. For me, I hate going because it always brings the question of when we are going to have kids. This means that I then have to go into the whole infertility talk and have people feel sorry for me. I don't mind sharing this information, but sometimes, I just want to be normal, too.
4. Insurance covers infertility treatments.
For most of us, insurance will not touch any infertility treatments. For Dave and I, we have our own insurance policy, which we pay and arm and a leg for, and while they will help pay for diagnostic testing, they do not cover ANY of our infertility treatments. For those of you who have never had to look into infertility treatments, just trust me when I say that they are expensive. Our 15 minute office visit, not even an exam, with the infertility specialist cost us $300.
5. We don't want children.
I have had quite a few people who do not know about our issues ask us if we don't want children. People assume, sometimes, that since we have been married for more than 5 years and don't have children, that we don't want children. Yes, we want children, but in the future, don't just assume that a couple doesn't want children because they don't have any. They might just struggle with infertility and asking them this question can be hurtful.
6. It is easy to adopt.
Often times, when we find out people cannot have children, we tell them that they should adopt, as if all you have to do is sign a paper, head to the hospital, and drive away with a baby. This is not the case, at all! I'm hoping that this blog can be used to help others understand that adoption is overwhelming, expensive, and an emotional roller coaster.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Home
So, I know that Dave and I have lived in Florida for 3 1/2 years now and technically, this is our home, but "going home" to me is going to my parent's home and Dave's parent's home. We leave on Wednesday and start our crazy trip for Dave's marathon. We're staying in a different house each night and driving somewhere each day of our trip. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I'm very excited to see everyone, especially since we haven't been in Virginia since last Thanksgiving. Now, I just need to pack and clean and get stuff ready for my substitute and ......... (This list goes on and on.) I just pray that I can get it all accomplished by Wednesday at 8.
Pray for us as we travel and for Dave as he runs the marathon. He's nervous, but excited. :) Also, pray for us as I'm sure there will be baby talk, especially with Dave's sister being pregnant, and I just don't want to be too emotional and struggle to contain my tears.
On a lighter note, I think that I haven't posted a picture of both of us on here before and since some of you have never met us, I thought now would be a perfect time.
Pray for us as we travel and for Dave as he runs the marathon. He's nervous, but excited. :) Also, pray for us as I'm sure there will be baby talk, especially with Dave's sister being pregnant, and I just don't want to be too emotional and struggle to contain my tears.
On a lighter note, I think that I haven't posted a picture of both of us on here before and since some of you have never met us, I thought now would be a perfect time.
Friday, October 30, 2009
It's been too long
It has been too long since I last updated the blog. Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.
Here's what's new with us:
Baby A is doing well and so is K. I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision. My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December. Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.
Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant. Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction. We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next. With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost. Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways. SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.
We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February. I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation. We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested. I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady. Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation. It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard. (More on the money issue in a later post.)
The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it. It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing. Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others? Why us? Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens? Are we being punished? Do I not love God enough? These are all some of the questions that go through my head. I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.
For now, it's time to go to bed. Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest. Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.
Here's what's new with us:
Baby A is doing well and so is K. I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision. My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December. Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.
Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant. Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction. We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next. With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost. Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways. SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.
We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February. I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation. We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested. I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady. Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation. It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard. (More on the money issue in a later post.)
The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it. It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing. Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others? Why us? Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens? Are we being punished? Do I not love God enough? These are all some of the questions that go through my head. I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.
For now, it's time to go to bed. Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest. Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Saying NO and Paper Pregnant
Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.
We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February. When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt. Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no. It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama. Oh, how I just want to say yes!
In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!! We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".
We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February. When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt. Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no. It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama. Oh, how I just want to say yes!
In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!! We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Disclaimer
While resting in bed last night, I decided that I should probably put this up here:
The last blog entry is not about one specific person or situation, but rather the events that have taken place in the five years of waiting for "our day" to come. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but my only intention is to speak the truth about how I feel as we travel this journey. This blog has become a good outlet for me and a great way for me to express some of the feelings that I don't often talk about and keep inside.
The last blog entry is not about one specific person or situation, but rather the events that have taken place in the five years of waiting for "our day" to come. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but my only intention is to speak the truth about how I feel as we travel this journey. This blog has become a good outlet for me and a great way for me to express some of the feelings that I don't often talk about and keep inside.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thankful Thoughts and Heart Groans
Just a few updates and thoughts:
I am thankful for something that has caused me a lot of pain and suffering. I am thankful that we have had to deal with the horrible reality of infertility. Yes, I have cried many tears over this issue, felt empty inside, felt out of place at a kid's events, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy, but truthfully, it's made me a stronger person and one who will be, hopefully, very considerate when that day comes for us when we get to add to our family.
Dave and I were talking on the way home tonight about pregnancies and how people announce and react to them. For us, finding out that someone else is pregnant is kind of sad. Yes, we are very excited for them and want the best, but at the same time, it's hard. We wonder why it can't be us. People tell us that God knows best and that we just have to wait for his timing, but until you've been in our shoes, you have NO IDEA how empty those words are. We do believe that God has a plan, but if you've never had to wait longer than a year or even six months for those two blessed lines on a pregnancy test or for that sweet moment when your child takes their first breathe, I dare say that you know little of what we deal with on almost an everyday basis.
Along those same lines, hearing people complain about their pregnancies starts to irritate me. I try to be patient, but here's the thing. To me, complaining about your pregnancy woes is like a rich man complaining about his four story house and awesome job to a man who is losing their house because they've lost their job. If you were the first man, would you sit around and talk about your things and not feel any compassion at all on the poor man? Would you complain about how you have to go to work everyday and deal with cleaning your pool? I would hope that you would be considerate and think about how that other person feels. Does that make any sense?
Now, do you need to hide your pregnancy from us (people who struggle getting pregnant) and pretend that nothing is going on? No, that can be just as hurtful, but at the same time, all I ask is that the next time you're around someone who is struggling, think about how you complaining about having morning sickness or a sore back makes them feel. I bet they would die to have to deal with an upset stomach and a hurt back.
Okay....now that I've stood on my soap box for long enough........The birth mom, K, is due this Saturday. I've emailed and chatted with her. She's pretty scared of the whole labor thing and I would be, too. She's still planning on keeping the baby, A, and she and M have taken a few classes. Just, if you get a chance, say a prayer for K and M, and baby A. As much as I would love to welcome baby A into our family, I have to realize that God is in control and He needed us in this situation to show K God's love.
I did mail K the baby outfit and stuffed animal that we bought soon after finding out that it was a girl. I just needed her to know that we love this baby no matter what. She sent me a thank you note and was very excited to get it in the mail. We've even talked about meeting face to face in November when we got home for Dave's marathon. :-)
Thanks for all of your prayers.
I am thankful for something that has caused me a lot of pain and suffering. I am thankful that we have had to deal with the horrible reality of infertility. Yes, I have cried many tears over this issue, felt empty inside, felt out of place at a kid's events, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy, but truthfully, it's made me a stronger person and one who will be, hopefully, very considerate when that day comes for us when we get to add to our family.
Dave and I were talking on the way home tonight about pregnancies and how people announce and react to them. For us, finding out that someone else is pregnant is kind of sad. Yes, we are very excited for them and want the best, but at the same time, it's hard. We wonder why it can't be us. People tell us that God knows best and that we just have to wait for his timing, but until you've been in our shoes, you have NO IDEA how empty those words are. We do believe that God has a plan, but if you've never had to wait longer than a year or even six months for those two blessed lines on a pregnancy test or for that sweet moment when your child takes their first breathe, I dare say that you know little of what we deal with on almost an everyday basis.
Along those same lines, hearing people complain about their pregnancies starts to irritate me. I try to be patient, but here's the thing. To me, complaining about your pregnancy woes is like a rich man complaining about his four story house and awesome job to a man who is losing their house because they've lost their job. If you were the first man, would you sit around and talk about your things and not feel any compassion at all on the poor man? Would you complain about how you have to go to work everyday and deal with cleaning your pool? I would hope that you would be considerate and think about how that other person feels. Does that make any sense?
Now, do you need to hide your pregnancy from us (people who struggle getting pregnant) and pretend that nothing is going on? No, that can be just as hurtful, but at the same time, all I ask is that the next time you're around someone who is struggling, think about how you complaining about having morning sickness or a sore back makes them feel. I bet they would die to have to deal with an upset stomach and a hurt back.
Okay....now that I've stood on my soap box for long enough........The birth mom, K, is due this Saturday. I've emailed and chatted with her. She's pretty scared of the whole labor thing and I would be, too. She's still planning on keeping the baby, A, and she and M have taken a few classes. Just, if you get a chance, say a prayer for K and M, and baby A. As much as I would love to welcome baby A into our family, I have to realize that God is in control and He needed us in this situation to show K God's love.
I did mail K the baby outfit and stuffed animal that we bought soon after finding out that it was a girl. I just needed her to know that we love this baby no matter what. She sent me a thank you note and was very excited to get it in the mail. We've even talked about meeting face to face in November when we got home for Dave's marathon. :-)
Thanks for all of your prayers.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
ONCE Upon A Time (Part 3)
So, where were we??? :-)
My parents had shown up at church and we decided to go out to lunch with them at Olive Garden. They went ahead on over to the restaurant and got us a table while we finished up some stuff at church. On the drive over, I felt like throwing up. It's an exciting time, but for me, telling my parents that we were pregnant just made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew they would be excited, but again, we had told them that it would be at least 5 years before we started having kids.
We got there, found their table, and sat down. I'm sitting there looking at the menu, feeling like puking, and I can't even begin to try to focus on deciding what I wanted to order. I finally told them that I had something to tell them and I needed to get it out because I felt like I was going to be sick if I didn't. I told them and they didn't know what to say. My sister's reaction was full of excitement over the fact that she was going to be an aunt. (She was 11 at the time, I think.) My brother likes to describe my dad's reaction. He said it was as if my dad had swallowed an entire Olive Garden breadstick whole. After the initial shock, they started to warm up to the idea, asking us questions and finding out more information. I will just never forget that moment of complete and utter shock on my mom and dad's faces. It makes me smile and laugh to think about it today and we still talk about it sometimes when we're all together. There is always laughter involved when discussing that day.
Soon after telling my parents, we told Dave's parents and Grandma when they were at our house. They were shocked, but very excited and I remember that Beth and Joe were there, but in the other room playing with Roscoe, our pup. Debbie (Dave's mom) asked Uncle Joe and Aunt Beth to come into the room and they did, not knowing that her words had a meaning behind them. They were super excited for us.
I also remember telling my Grandma and Grandpa at Christmas that year. My mom had written a sweet card that contained a little poem in it, basically saying that a baby would be joining our family before the next Christmas. I remember watching my Grandma's face as she's reading it, trying to figure out what it meant and when she did, she showed my Grandaddy. Everyone was so excited for us.
That Christmas, when we celebrated with my dad's side of the family, it was a sad year. My cousin, Ryan, had been killed in an automobile accident that April. It was our first Christmas without him and we even had the get together at my house to make things easier. We had been sitting around talking about Ryan and my aunt had a song for us all to listen to. After the song, it seemed like a perfect time to let everyone know that we were expecting. I even called my cousin Beth, who wasn't able to be with us that year, to tell her the news. Good times.
These are all memories that I will never forget. It was such a time of excitement and joy. Yes, we were overwhelmed, especially since we had been told that it could take us six months to get pregnant and it had taken one month, but still, the thoughts of starting our own family were so exciting. Little did we know that in just a few short weeks, we would be sharing some sad news that will forever.
Up next...our insurance drama. Gotta love insurance companies, right???
My parents had shown up at church and we decided to go out to lunch with them at Olive Garden. They went ahead on over to the restaurant and got us a table while we finished up some stuff at church. On the drive over, I felt like throwing up. It's an exciting time, but for me, telling my parents that we were pregnant just made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew they would be excited, but again, we had told them that it would be at least 5 years before we started having kids.
We got there, found their table, and sat down. I'm sitting there looking at the menu, feeling like puking, and I can't even begin to try to focus on deciding what I wanted to order. I finally told them that I had something to tell them and I needed to get it out because I felt like I was going to be sick if I didn't. I told them and they didn't know what to say. My sister's reaction was full of excitement over the fact that she was going to be an aunt. (She was 11 at the time, I think.) My brother likes to describe my dad's reaction. He said it was as if my dad had swallowed an entire Olive Garden breadstick whole. After the initial shock, they started to warm up to the idea, asking us questions and finding out more information. I will just never forget that moment of complete and utter shock on my mom and dad's faces. It makes me smile and laugh to think about it today and we still talk about it sometimes when we're all together. There is always laughter involved when discussing that day.
Soon after telling my parents, we told Dave's parents and Grandma when they were at our house. They were shocked, but very excited and I remember that Beth and Joe were there, but in the other room playing with Roscoe, our pup. Debbie (Dave's mom) asked Uncle Joe and Aunt Beth to come into the room and they did, not knowing that her words had a meaning behind them. They were super excited for us.
I also remember telling my Grandma and Grandpa at Christmas that year. My mom had written a sweet card that contained a little poem in it, basically saying that a baby would be joining our family before the next Christmas. I remember watching my Grandma's face as she's reading it, trying to figure out what it meant and when she did, she showed my Grandaddy. Everyone was so excited for us.
That Christmas, when we celebrated with my dad's side of the family, it was a sad year. My cousin, Ryan, had been killed in an automobile accident that April. It was our first Christmas without him and we even had the get together at my house to make things easier. We had been sitting around talking about Ryan and my aunt had a song for us all to listen to. After the song, it seemed like a perfect time to let everyone know that we were expecting. I even called my cousin Beth, who wasn't able to be with us that year, to tell her the news. Good times.
These are all memories that I will never forget. It was such a time of excitement and joy. Yes, we were overwhelmed, especially since we had been told that it could take us six months to get pregnant and it had taken one month, but still, the thoughts of starting our own family were so exciting. Little did we know that in just a few short weeks, we would be sharing some sad news that will forever.
Up next...our insurance drama. Gotta love insurance companies, right???
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Question
So, while I just don't have the energy to update with more of our story tonight, (Sorry Melody), I do have a question for those of you who actually read this.
Right after we found out that this baby is a girl, we were walking around Target and I saw a cute outfit on clearance. I couldn't help myself and so, I bought it, dreaming of this little girl wearing it. While I could keep it, in hopes of one day having a child to wear it, I kind of want to send it to the birth mom. In my mind, it belongs to this little girl, getting ready to be welcomed into the world in just a few short weeks. What is your opinion?
Right after we found out that this baby is a girl, we were walking around Target and I saw a cute outfit on clearance. I couldn't help myself and so, I bought it, dreaming of this little girl wearing it. While I could keep it, in hopes of one day having a child to wear it, I kind of want to send it to the birth mom. In my mind, it belongs to this little girl, getting ready to be welcomed into the world in just a few short weeks. What is your opinion?
Friday, September 18, 2009
Holidays and Encouragement
So, while I'm still at peace with all of this, I was a little sad tonight.
We were driving home from having supper with friends for Dave's birthday and we were talking about his marathon in November. We then started talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas plans and if we'll be able to go home to Virginia during that time.
This, of course, got me thinking about the fact that after we got the news that we were going to get this baby, that I was excited about Christmas. Ever since our miscarriage, Christmas has been bittersweet for me. Yes, I love spending time with family and being in the Christmas spirit (if that's possible when it's warm outside), but at the same time, it's just another reminder that it's just the two of us. It's kind of sad and lonely. When everyone rushes home after Christmas Eve service to get their kids in bed so that Santa can come, we go home to our quiet house, just the two of us and our pups. Now, I know that someday, somehow, that we will have a Christmas spent with VBK kids, full of excitement and smiles, but I was just hoping that those lonely Christmas holidays were long gone.
On a much, much, lighter note, here's a blog that I thought you guys might enjoy. It's been a big encouragement to me, especially here recently. http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/
We were driving home from having supper with friends for Dave's birthday and we were talking about his marathon in November. We then started talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas plans and if we'll be able to go home to Virginia during that time.
This, of course, got me thinking about the fact that after we got the news that we were going to get this baby, that I was excited about Christmas. Ever since our miscarriage, Christmas has been bittersweet for me. Yes, I love spending time with family and being in the Christmas spirit (if that's possible when it's warm outside), but at the same time, it's just another reminder that it's just the two of us. It's kind of sad and lonely. When everyone rushes home after Christmas Eve service to get their kids in bed so that Santa can come, we go home to our quiet house, just the two of us and our pups. Now, I know that someday, somehow, that we will have a Christmas spent with VBK kids, full of excitement and smiles, but I was just hoping that those lonely Christmas holidays were long gone.
On a much, much, lighter note, here's a blog that I thought you guys might enjoy. It's been a big encouragement to me, especially here recently. http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/
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