It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Baby A has arrived

Baby A was born 10/22/09 at 2:40 a.m. and weighed in at 7 lbs 4 oz.  :-)  She's healthy, doing GREAT, and is beautiful.  While she won't be my daughter, this little girl holds a special place in my heart.

K's In Labor

Talked with K tonight and...she's officially in labor.  It won't be long before baby A is here!

I have so much to say about all of this, but due to not getting home until after 10 tonight, it's going to have to wait till later.  (Not tomorrow, since tomorrow is another super late work night.)

Before I go and get my things together for tomorrow, I thought I'd leave you all with a link to a blog that was very encouraging today.

http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-opportunity-failure-to-peace.html

The big day

If you could, please pray for K today.  We were just texting and it's the big day, her due date, and even though baby A hasn't made her arrival (or really shown any signs on coming soon), she's getting pretty nervous about it.

Lots more to write about on the blog, but with the beautiful weather, I'll save it for another time.

Thankful Thoughts and Heart Groans

Just a few updates and thoughts:

I am thankful for something that has caused me a lot of pain and suffering.  I am thankful that we have had to deal with the horrible reality of infertility.  Yes, I have cried many tears over this issue, felt empty inside, felt out of place at a kid's events, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy, but truthfully, it's made me a stronger person and one who will be, hopefully, very considerate when that day comes for us when we get to add to our family.

Dave and I were talking on the way home tonight about pregnancies and how people announce and react to them.  For us, finding out that someone else is pregnant is kind of sad.  Yes, we are very excited for them and want the best, but at the same time, it's hard.  We wonder why it can't be us.  People tell us that God knows best and that we just have to wait for his timing, but until you've been in our shoes, you have NO IDEA how empty those words are.  We do believe that God has a plan,  but if you've never had to wait longer than a year or even six months for those two blessed lines on a pregnancy test or for that sweet moment when your child takes their first breathe, I dare say that you know little of what we deal with on almost an everyday basis.

Along those same lines, hearing people complain about their pregnancies starts to irritate me.  I try to be patient, but here's the thing.  To me, complaining about your pregnancy woes is like a rich man complaining about his four story house and awesome job to a man who is losing their house because they've lost their job.  If you were the first man, would you sit around and talk about your things and not feel any compassion at all on the poor man?  Would you complain about how you have to go to work everyday and deal with cleaning your pool?  I would hope that you would be considerate and think about how that other person feels.  Does that make any sense?

Now, do you need to hide your pregnancy from us (people who struggle getting pregnant) and pretend that nothing is going on?  No, that can be just as hurtful, but at the same time, all I ask is that the next time you're around someone who is struggling, think about how you complaining about having morning sickness or a sore back makes them feel.  I bet they would die to have to deal with an upset stomach and a hurt back.

Okay....now that I've stood on my soap box for long enough........The birth mom, K, is due this Saturday.  I've emailed and chatted with her.  She's pretty scared of the whole labor thing and I would be, too.  She's still planning on keeping the baby, A, and she and M have taken a few classes.  Just, if you get a chance, say a prayer for K and M, and baby A.  As much as I would love to welcome baby A into our family, I have to realize that God is in control and He needed us in this situation to show K God's love.

I did mail K the baby outfit and stuffed animal that we bought soon after finding out that it was a girl.  I just needed her to know that we love this baby no matter what.  She sent me a thank you note and was very excited to get it in the mail.  We've even talked about meeting face to face in November when we got home for Dave's marathon.  :-)

Thanks for all of your prayers.

Question

So, while I just don't have the energy to update with more of our story tonight, (Sorry Melody), I do have a question for those of you who actually read this.

Right after we found out that this baby is a girl, we were walking around Target and I saw a cute outfit on clearance.  I couldn't help myself and so, I bought it, dreaming of this little girl wearing it.  While I could keep it, in hopes of one day having a child to wear it, I kind of want to send it to the birth mom.  In my mind, it belongs to this little girl, getting ready to be welcomed into the world in just a few short weeks.  What is your opinion?

Home Visit

So, after tons of facebook messages, texts, and phone calls, I decided to start a blog to keep everyone informed. :-)

Just wanted to let you all know that our home visit part of our home study was today and it was quick and easy. She basically took a 10 second tour (not exaggerating) of our house and then sat down and talked with us for about 30 minutes. Very informal and very easy. We still have paperwork to finish and background checks to complete, but once we get that done, she will type up our home study and we will be done with this part of our journey.

As of right now, the opportunity to adopt the baby girl is pretty much a no go. The birth mom knows that we are still interested and that we are here if she decides differently, but at this point, she's decided to keep the baby. Dave and I are at peace with this and we are very thankful to know before we got lawyers involved.

Right now, we're just getting the home study done, we might try some fertility stuff, and then look into adoption more if that doesn't work. The home study lady will pass information to us if a baby "become available" after our home study has gone through. We'll also have the opportunity to send information to lawyers and agencies, if we wish, and that could open doors. Right now, we're not sure where God is leading us, but we're open to starting our family however God sees fit.

As the home study lady said today, "With adoption, it's not if you get a baby, it's when." Thanks for all of your prayers.