Infertility Assumptions

I'm going to update you guys this weekend (when I've got some free time on my hands) on where we are in this whole adoption process.  I did, though, want to share this.  Here are some common infertility assumptions that I've come in contact with over the last 5 years.


Infertility Assumptions


1.  People who are infertile do not enjoy being around babies.  
This is not the truth for most of us.  I love babies and baby things.  I enjoy holding and cuddling with babies.  I work in the nursery once a month and will continue.  Yes, there are times when it makes me sad to know that we don't have our own children, but this does not mean that I do not want to talk about babies or skip holding the newborns in our church.

2.  I am jealous of people who are pregnant or have children.
I am not jealous.  To me, being jealous means that I want what they have and I want to take it away from them.  I do desire to be a mother and to have children, but I do not wish for others to have to go through this journey.  I also don't think about how I wish other people weren't so "lucky" when it comes to getting pregnant.   I do, sometimes, get annoyed with the people who constantly complain about being pregnant or how their children make their lives so unhappy.  There are some of us that would do anything to have those "horrible" pregnancy symptoms that you are constantly complaining about.  Be thankful!!!!!!!

3.  Infertile people hate baby showers.
This one kind of goes along with number 1, but is somewhat different.  We do not hate baby showers, but we do hate the fact that by going to them, we are constantly reminded that we have not achieved pregnancy.  We dream about the day when we are the ones opening up the presents instead of always being the one buying the presents.  For me, I hate going because it always brings the question of when we are going to have kids.  This means that I then have to go into the whole infertility talk and have people feel sorry for me.  I don't mind sharing this information, but sometimes, I just want to be normal, too.  

4.  Insurance covers infertility treatments.
For most of us, insurance will not touch any infertility treatments.  For Dave and I, we have our own insurance policy, which we pay and arm and a leg for, and while they will help pay for diagnostic testing, they do not cover ANY of our infertility treatments.  For those of you who have never had to look into infertility treatments, just trust me when I say that they are expensive.  Our 15 minute office visit, not even an exam, with the infertility specialist cost us $300.

5.  We don't want children.
I have had quite a few people who do not know about our issues ask us if we don't want children.  People assume, sometimes, that since we have been married for more than 5 years and don't have children, that we don't want children.  Yes, we want children, but in the future, don't just assume that a couple doesn't want children because they don't have any.  They might just struggle with infertility and asking them this question can be hurtful.

6.  It is easy to adopt.
Often times, when we find out people cannot have children, we tell them that they should adopt, as if all you have to do is sign a paper, head to the hospital, and drive away with a baby.  This is not the case, at all!  I'm hoping that this blog can be used to help others understand that adoption is overwhelming, expensive, and an emotional roller coaster.