Cry It Out: VBK Style

Dave and I made the decision this week to attempt to get the Tater to sleep better throughout the night.  His first birthday is quickly approaching and while he has slept for long stretches at times, he had never, and I mean NEVER, slept through the night.  You may think that I'm joking, but I'm not.

When he first came home from the hospital at 6 weeks, he had gotten used to having constant attention and being woken every 3 hours to eat.  (If you've followed our story from the beginning, you may remember that he struggled for quite some time with keeping his food in his little belly and with gaining weight.)

He also struggled with withdrawals for months after coming home.  These withdrawals, at times, left him inconsolable.  It didn't matter what we did or didn't do.  Sometimes, just touching him would make his crying worse. I'm also not talking about the pitiful infant crying when I refer to him being inconsolable.  I'm talking about the "you're cutting off my arm" crying that would sometimes go on for hours, not because we allowed it to happen, but because there was nothing that made it better.  We believe that he probably cried for about 75% of the time that he was awake.  Also, most babies have the ability to self soothe, but he lacked that, which is part of the withdrawal that he went through.  He was not the average baby.  

These things have led us to not push him to sleep through the night.  We found it easier and better to get up with him, rock him back to sleep, and sometimes give him a bottle.  It was easier to do those things than to allow his crying to turn into a withdrawal fit.

So that brings us to where we are today:  We've officially started the Cry It Out Method: VBK Style!!

So, what is the cry it out method: VBK style?

First, we've taken the normal cry it out method and changed it to fit our family.  All families are different, all children are different.  We are doing what we think is best for our Tater.  We know, from experience, that while he is super flexible with some things, there are other things that we have to do slowly and not go cold turkey with him.  This current process is going to be one of those things.

We are still going to rock him to sleep at night.  We love that time with him.  We missed out on so many moments those first 6 weeks of his life, moments of cuddling and bonding.  We spent a lot of time in the NICU with him, but most of those visits were spent sitting beside the plastic isolette that he was in.  He needed to be stimulated as little as possible due to the withdrawal, so we didn't always get to hold him.  We were also encouraged to put him back in the isolette if he fell asleep.  We love our snuggle time with the Tater now and don't have plans of ending this anytime soon.

If he wakes up crying during the night, we allow him to cry for 5-10 minutes before we go in and comfort him.  When we do go in, we cover him back up and comfort him without picking him up, allowing him to fall back asleep.

We aren't changing his diaper or giving him a bottle until breakfast.  He eats a ton throughout the day and is obviously a very solid little man.  He is growing and is right on track for where he needs to be and doesn't need any extra formula throughout the night.  Even our pediatrician recommended stopping the feedings during the night.

We aren't getting him out of bed until 7 each morning.  If he wakes up earlier, he can learn to play for a little while before we go get him.

Dave has been updating his facebook with a daily report of how the Tater did.  Here's how the first three nights have gone:

---Night 1. Tater went to bed at 8:45. made noise at 3'ish, woke up and began talking and jumping in the crib at 5:45. I went in at 6:10 and got him to lay down and go back to sleep until about 6:45.


---Night 2. Tater went to bed at 8:25 and slept until 2:30. He cried from 2:30-3:00 and I went in there, covered him up and stood there until he went back to sleep. Then, he woke up at 5:15 and cried until 5:25. I covered him up and stood there until he went back to sleep. Then, he woke up for good at 7:45.


---Night 3. Tater slept from 8:30-6:30. He moved around some at 3:30, but didn't wake up. We also let him cry from 6:30-7. That way he gets used to staying in his bed until at least 7.




This morning, he did wake up at 6:30 and cry for a little while (it was more whimpering than crying), but when I went in at 7 to get him, he was jumping and playing.  He was all smiles!  


Are we making progress?  Yes!  He has not had a bottle or had his diaper changed during the night the last 3 nights.  That, in itself, is progress. 


It's amazing to see how controversial this topic of crying it out is.  Some people totally agree with it, others are so against it.  


I think what it boils down to is knowing your child and what they can handle.  We each have to make decisions, daily decisions, about our children and we do them out of love for our child.  Dave and I are doing what we think is best for our Tater.  We love him and only want what is best for him.