I know this may be more than you want, or care, to know, but I totally cried today while on the phone. I am just overwhelmed by all that is going on.
Basically, within the last few days, we got an email from the SW about the February baby which opened the situation back up to us. So, we then had to figure out what we wanted to do.
I tried to call the attorney today to get more information since we have lots of questions, but they have already spoken with a couple that is most likely going to follow through with this Feb. baby. We will know by Friday whether they are a go or not. I'm okay with this, but at the same time, it's another closed door, and this time, we weren't the ones to close it.
I then called an adoption agency here in Jax and an adoption ministry that is nationwide. I can't begin to describe the fears and tears that came because of these calls. Yes, they were both very encouraging, but man, these decisions we are making are huge. Both are Christian related and it's nice to talk to people that believe that God is involved in all of this, but if you have never had to look into adoption, then you have no idea what all in entails. We're talking thousands of dollars, thousands and thousands of dollars, thousands upon thousands of dollars. I'm hoping to blog about this soon, but I will say this: ADOPTION IS NOT CHEAP IN ANY WAY!
God, please use this blog as a comfort to others going through this process, but also as an eye opener to those who have never had to think about looking for an adoption agency, those who have never waited for a long time for those two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Please let my words open their hearts and minds to understand that saying the words "Well, why don't you just adopt?" are horrible words to say if they do not know the truth about adoption.
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, and getting frustrated. It's great that you can be honest and let others see how ugly the road of infertility can be. Try to remember that if things don't work out with this baby, then it is not the one that God has planned for you. Your baby is waiting up in Heaven to be sent to you. And if adoption is the way He wants you to go, He will provide the baby AND you WILL find a way to cover the cost. I know it's not fair. I also KNOW it's hard, but the only thing you can do is try to trust His plan, and sometimes you have to remind yourself of these things a hundred times a day! Been there...done that! There's only so much YOU can do...the rest you need to leave up to Him. You will survive this, and one day that perfect baby will be in your arms, and you will know it all worked out exactly as it was to happen. Stay strong my friend! Hugs and prayers.
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