Too Much

It's almost too much, too much that I'm going to be a mom in 17 days or less.

I have so many emotions right now.  Some are good, some confusing, some are even contradictory.

There's a part of me that feels like this time is dragging on, that these next 17 days are going to be the longest 17 days of my life.  That I can't wait to see him, hold him, smell the sweet baby smell.  That I can't wait to officially be a mom.

There's also a part of me that thinks that time is flying by.  Every now and then, I'll be reminded that in just 17 days or less, my life is going to change forever.  Dave and I were talking about weekend plans tonight and all of the sudden, I was thinking about how quickly "our" weekends are ending, how our time as a couple is coming to a close.  At times, I feel like I can't breathe, thinking about my time slipping through my fingers and all the things I want to get done.

There is a part of me that wants to scrub the entire house from top to bottom and organize every section of the house.

There's another part of me that wants to take this time to relax, take a few extra baths, and read, something I know I'll be doing little of once he's here.

I'm excited about all that is happening, overjoyed about having a son, about bringing him home and being a family.

I'm also scared, not that she will change her mind, but how I will handle all of this.  Getting to know J, I feel for her and feel her sorrow.  I'm sure that, as much as I don't want to, I'll probably cry and use an entire box of tissues.

So, yes, I'm a little overwhelmed, but in a good way and for a good reason.