It's been too long

It has been too long since I last updated the blog.  Sorry about that, but we've been pretty busy.

Here's what's new with us:

Baby A is doing well and so is K.  I've spoken with her and everything seems to be going pretty smoothly. Sad that Baby A won't be a part of our family, but very proud of K and her decision.  My goal is to meet both of them either in November or December.  Like I said when she was born, even though she's not officially a VBK, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Like I said in the last post, we are super, super close to officially being paper pregnant.  Once that happens, we're going to have to figure out what our next move is, but at least we are moving in the right direction.  We've been looking into some adoption agencies, so we'll have to make some decisions on what to do next.  With this blog, I hope to open the eyes of some people who are "fertile", who never have had to research adoption, agencies, or the cost.  Some people think that it's so easy and if someone struggles with infertility, that it should be easy to adopt, but man, it's tough in so many ways.  SOOO tough and I hope some eyes are opened with this blog, as well as it being used as a document of our journey.

We did turn down a baby that is going to be born in February.  I came home this week to find an email from our homestudy lady with a possible baby situation.  We aren't listed with an agency or anything, but she's been contacted with the situation and wanted us to look it over and let her know if we were interested.  I can't really discuss it here on the web, but basically, it was WAY more money than what we wanted or had considered the norm from our research, and the situation itself was kind of shady.  Maybe it would have worked out, but neither Dave or I felt at peace about moving on with the situation.  It's hard, because we want a child, a person to make us officially a family, but I'm learning that we're going to have to make smart choices, and sometimes, those choices are hard.  (More on the money issue in a later post.)

The day that we turned the situation down, I got on facebook to see that even more people are pregnant. Yes, I know that one day we will have a family, but it's hard for anyone in our situation to be happy about their long wait while lots don't even have to think about it.  It's hard to understand and to me, that's the hardest thing.  Why is so easy for some people and so hard for others?  Why us?  Why can't they find anything wrong, but yet, nothing happens?  Are we being punished?  Do I not love God enough?  These are all some of the questions that go through my head.  I know, for the most part, that most of these are silly questions, but after 5 years, it's hard not to ask those questions.

For now, it's time to go to bed.  Air Force One is almost finished on tv and with the fall festival tomorrow, we'll need our rest.  Goodnight all and thanks for reading through my rambling thoughts.

Saying NO and Paper Pregnant

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts.

We basically got an email about a possibe situation with a baby being born in February.  When I first got the email, I basically wanted to do the happy dance, but the longer I thought about it, the less at peace I felt.  Because of the circumstances in this situation, we have said no.  It pains me to do this, since I feel like I am passing up on what I want most, which is a baby, but I just think we'd be getting ourselves into a lot of debt and unneeded drama.  Oh, how I just want to say yes!

In other news, as soon as two letters arrive at the social workers office and the official paperwork gets typed up, we will be completely finished with our homestudy!!!!!!  We will be what the adoption world calls "Paper Pregnant".

Prayers Needed

OH...I need your prayers.  I've got so much to say and post on the blog, but just now, I got an email about a possible adoption situation.  (And no, it does not involve baby A)  Can I just say WOW???????  Please pray!  Can't give any information at the moment.

Baby A has arrived

Baby A was born 10/22/09 at 2:40 a.m. and weighed in at 7 lbs 4 oz.  :-)  She's healthy, doing GREAT, and is beautiful.  While she won't be my daughter, this little girl holds a special place in my heart.

K's In Labor

Talked with K tonight and...she's officially in labor.  It won't be long before baby A is here!

I have so much to say about all of this, but due to not getting home until after 10 tonight, it's going to have to wait till later.  (Not tomorrow, since tomorrow is another super late work night.)

Before I go and get my things together for tomorrow, I thought I'd leave you all with a link to a blog that was very encouraging today.

http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-opportunity-failure-to-peace.html

The big day

If you could, please pray for K today.  We were just texting and it's the big day, her due date, and even though baby A hasn't made her arrival (or really shown any signs on coming soon), she's getting pretty nervous about it.

Lots more to write about on the blog, but with the beautiful weather, I'll save it for another time.

Disclaimer

While resting in bed last night, I decided that I should probably put this up here:

The last blog entry is not about one specific person or situation, but rather the events that have taken place in the five years of waiting for "our day" to come.  I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but my only intention is to speak the truth about how I feel as we travel this journey.  This blog has become a good outlet for me and a great way for me to express some of the feelings that I don't often talk about and keep inside.