Really Trying :(

I'm really trying to be patient, but it's hard.  :(  

They told us last Thursday when he had been on .1 every six hours for two days, that they were thinking that he would skip the .1 every eight hours and move straight into the .1 every twelve hours, making his stay two days shorter.  They got my hopes up and they were soon crushed.  :(  

On Friday, they put him on .1 every 8 hours, saying that while his scores were still in the range to step down, that they were not low enough to jump to the every twelve hour dosage.  While I agree that they were on the higher end of acceptable (mainly 6-7), it was disappointing to know that those two days that I thought we had taken off of his stay were then added back on.  

I decided to suck it up and be thankful that they hadn't upped his dosage and that we were still looking at  coming home on Friday or Saturday of this upcoming week, allowing me to possibly finish out another week with my class at school.

I should know by now that I should never get my hopes up when it comes to him actually leaving the hospital.  I feel like I need to start setting up some homeschooling for him because some days, I feel like he'll be starting school before he ever gets to leave.  

 Today, we went in and were expecting that after two days of being on the .1 every eight hours, that he had been dropped to .1 every twelve hours.  WRONG!!!  Even though he has had acceptable scores (between 3-7) and hasn't had any problems, they are keeping him at .1 every eight hours an extra day.  The nurse today, a new nurse to us, couldn't really explain why they had decided to give him an extra day, since the doctor made rounds before she got there.  Due to it being the weekend, it's not a good time to talk with a doctor unless it's an emergency, so I just left and figured that we would find out more info tomorrow.  

Just so frustrated and stressed.

  If he gets dropped tomorrow and follows the pattern of two days on each time frame, we are now looking at him coming home on Sunday.  If he makes it home that day, he will be six weeks and two days old.  I have no guarantee that he will only spend two days on each drop of his meds, especially since they have already added an extra day this weekend, so who knows when he will finally get home.  I need to not get my hopes up.  :(  

I just don't know how much more I can take, how many more nights I can sit in those plastic recliners in the loud NICU.  We've been there every day for five weeks and two days and it's almost more than I can take.  We work, sleep, and spend a majority of our time in the hospital.  I know that we will be exhausted when he comes home, but at least I'll be able to be exhausted in my pajamas on my couch in my house and able to move around more than the three feet we can now due to his monitor.