A Moving Post

The other day, I was reading one of the blogs I follow and was moved by Laurie's words as she wrote her new post.  I wanted to share what she wrote, as most of it (not all of it, due to the fact that I haven't adopted yet) beautifully conveys how I feel.  (And yes, I got permission.)


Enjoy!


Here's what Laurie wrote:


"For as long as I can remember ya'll know I wanted to be a mom. Only I thought that would happen the way it does for everyone else- through conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. I believed it was my greatest calling and accomplishment as a woman to be given the privilege of ushering new life into this world. My body would finally do something right instead of always being my nemesis as it has been since I was a child. I was never able to skate, turn cartwheels, cheer lead, do gymnastics, run a marathon, or even fit in a tiny pair of jeans! My body always worked against me. I thought well one day I'll be excited to wear baggy shirts and these hips will come in handy in childbearing! But no. My body couldn't even do that. And this has been a dream unfulfilled that I have clung to bitterly for years. Sure, the sting of it is not always there. I have made peace with God about how He chose to bring my children to me. I even feel deep, deep gratitude for His love in caring so deeply about my heart's desire to mother that he brought a daughter to me as a newborn, and allowing me to witness her entrance into this world. And I feel immense pride when I see Isaac's sweet brown face and I know there is no way he could have ever come from my body and been this perfect.

But when I see a woman, swollen around the middle, glowing with the mystery of what is inside her...when I hear about the excitement that her mother has in welcoming a new grandchild into the fold... when I think about breastfeeding and all it's ups and downs- I feel the sting, and it is sharp and comes without warning. It is the pain of a dream unfulfilled. You see for me there will never be a big "Guess What?" announcement that brings joy and excitement to those I share it with. If and when we announce that God will be blessing us with another member of the family, unlike pregnancy, this is seen as a choice. And it is. It takes much planning and requires lots of paperwork. Nevertheless, when the day comes that we begin the process all over again, the questions will swirl..."are you sure this is the right time? Do you have room? How will you support another one? Aren't you content with the two you have? How will you pay for the adoption? How?....Why?....When?" You see this is the reaction most common amongst those of us who build our family through adoption. And likely there will not be a convenient 40 weeks to figure that all out! There will be no one bringing balloons and flowers to the hospital to welcome our little one into the world and family. Only one dear friend came for Vivi. Oh they were invited, mind you. But we faced that one alone. Why? Because of the "what if's" I suppose. What if the birthmother doesn't place? What if it is awkward meeting the birth family? What if? Hey we asked ourselves those very questions...but would not have missed those moments for the world. And I know stating these words stem from selfish desires and possibly offends. The fact is we all have let down the ones we love in one way or another. I am all too guilty of that very thing. I thank my Lord for His forgiveness in my own shortcomings that I too may forgive others."


Thank you, Laurie!  :)